Wow, what a cool ending - excellent.

The ideas are very good, but I think the piece is needs a nip and a tuck; it is too long. Somewhere in the middle I was tempted to stop reading and go for a coffee - how fortunate for me that I did not do that. Please, please shorten this excellent story.

I felt that way too. I made a few modifications to remove excess (what I felt slowed it down). Thank you for your insightful feedback.

Bravo! Good clear voice, direct contact, well paced, well written. I enjoyed it.