Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Afghanistan Banana Stand

Category: Issue 20

Afghanistan Banana Stand   © Copyright 2010 by Green Fingered Skinner

Dateline:  Afghanistan   July 14, 2020

The last native born Afghani died violently today a United Nations observer reported.  Jamal Abdullah Baghdadis, aged 69, was vaporized when a remote controlled explosive device either accidentally exploded, or was activated by a person or persons unknown. 

Mr. Baghdadis, once a prosperous college professor before all learning was banned by the ruling Taliban, and who next found gainful employment as an elevator operator before the most recent insurgency started, ironically imparted this quote to a CNN reporter last week before his untimely death:

    “…My people have hated our selves for at least 1000 years; ever since we adopted our anti-humanitarian religious beliefs instead of those more life affirming beatitudes espoused by that material fool, Jesus, the Christ.  Indeed, some of us, if not all of us, peaceful Middle Easterners, Jews, and evil Satan loving Westerners alike, have made poor political choices.  In fact, only last month, an overzealous jihadist blew up the last building in our country with more then one floor.  Apparently, I am forever cursed to be out of work.” 

Ironically, the death of professor Baghdadis marks the first time in history that an entire race of people has eliminated itself by itself, from the Human race, if one does not count the mysterious disappearance of the Hopi Indians from the American Southwest, or the still unexplained mass extinction of the Mayan civilization from Central America.

While the cause of death of Mr. Baghdadis is deemed highly suspicious, his demise cannot be listed as a suicide on the official Halliburton Oil Field Supply and War Goods Company scorecard because at the time of his death, there was no other Afghani alive for the Pentagon sponsored computational initiative to wrongfully accuse of murdering him. 

On a business note, the fun loving people in neighboring Pakistan will exploit the vast mineral wealth discovered only a decade ago by a consortium of mining engineers fielded by the American occupational forces.

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Old Comments

  • Whoa. No. You don’t mean to say that occupying forces lead by an American General (coughcoughPETRAeus) discovered more than a trillion dollars worth of resources (kackkackTRILLIUM…Blackberry’s) in Afghanistan when the “occupying” force is only supposed to be there to fight the T word and for humanitarian purposes? Prey tell, why would they even be looking for, as in, running geological tests and such, why would they be wasting valuable resources (TAX DOLLARS)scanning the desert when we’re so broke?


    Say it ain’t so, finger, say it ain’t so.

    Posted by deminizer  on  12/31  at  10:04 AM
  • This is a great read, deminizer. It really makes you think about everything that is going on and what will come about from it. There are so many different thoughts people and the government have that I don’t know which way to turn. Thanks for the insight and making me think.

    Posted by Clifford  on  02/07  at  04:37 PM
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