Posted: 25 November 2007 01:15 PM   [ Ignore ]
Newbie
Rank
Total Posts:  11
Joined  2007-06-11

Did you like the protagonist?
What could be added to make this longer?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

Profile
 
 
Posted: 26 November 2007 08:31 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  639
Joined  2005-08-30

Longer?  It is long enough.  But really, I like the writing so I guess that, in the same way you did with Stanforth, you could make a side-trip and tell about some other strange and suggestively disturbing things about uncle Phil.

I liked the protagonist a lot, probably because he was 9 and is due some serious payback from his idiot parents.  But that’s what I liked about the story - the idea that there are such people in the world, and here is an author to make fun of them for us.  I don’t think this would appeal to such people, but it was couched in a larger work that provided the simpleton with oohs and ahhs, it would make them uncomfortable about some of their foolishness, and that would be nice.

Is this part of something bigger?

Profile
 
 
Posted: 26 November 2007 09:16 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
Newbie
Rank
Total Posts:  11
Joined  2007-06-11

I don’t know if this is a standard question, or if there may have been a glitch and this was meant to be on another thread, but I didn’t make the first post myself.

In answer to Dave’s question, there are other stories about Canterbury and the character at various ages, and probably others that could be written, but this is meant to be a stand-alone.  One story in this cycle has been accepted by Dark Sky Magazine, but I’m not sure when it’s going to run.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 26 November 2007 10:19 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  639
Joined  2005-08-30

The code creates a discussion starter by asking two random questions.  If you can think of good questions that might be applicable to any submission, let me know and I’ll add them to the list.  It was neat to recognize your writing just from reading The Virtuous Husband.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 November 2007 01:36 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
Administrator
RankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  343
Joined  2006-12-13

Damn… Browser crashed after I’d put in previous comment on this.
Will try again, stubbornly.
What I wanted to say (browser no good, stupid friends downloading who-knows-what in my absence):
It’s good, the writing is good.
An awful lot about the house.
I thought while reading that there might be something coming up that would USE all this about the house, like a haunted house story or a Narnia Chronicles or something,
but that doesn’t seem to happen exactly.
I think that’s probably what Dave means too, when he asks if it’s part of something larger. 
Perhaps you could tie ominous Uncle Phil in with the house somehow, someday.
I like this, anyway; I did “landscaping” work for awhile which consisted of riding around people’s properties on a ride-on lawn-mower, NOT hitting the stuff that was sticking out of their yards.  Inevitably I hit everything eventually. 
Also the stuff about the relationship between chores and allowances has always rankled for me as well. 
Gotta go or browser will crash again. 

Cheers!

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 November 2007 02:17 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  639
Joined  2005-08-30

Julia,

Compose in notepad.  Save often.  Copy and Paste.  Microsoft is trying to teach us not to invest too much in technology.  I don’t know why.  Cosmic joke?

Profile
 
 
Posted: 28 November 2007 12:42 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
Newbie
Rank
Total Posts:  11
Joined  2007-06-11

I had set this aside for some months because an editor gave me a very hard time about it (the zine, however, has gone belly-up anyhow).  I’m not pushing it too hard on the market, but it’s good to hear anything at all good about it! 

Here is my view of the stuff about the house.  Ed’s parents have no real interest or understanding about the house itself—they probably wouldn’t have bought it if they had.  Ed, however, is constantly curious about it, learning more and more.  His knowledge of the yard and its obstacles is similar, and he uses that for his payback. 

This says something about both Ed and his parents.  You may be correct that it would work better as part of something bigger, and there’s certainly a bigger thing in work that it might fit in with very well.

I appreciate your comments here.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 29 November 2007 11:13 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
Administrator
RankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  343
Joined  2006-12-13

Ha ha…. I’m not in Notepad…. Browser about to get shut down any minute, again.
Dave, I DO (eventually, after much weeping and Ogden Nashing of teeth) spend an awful lot of time in Notepad, and probably shouldn’t be writing this here online, lest someone at Microsoft is watching. 
Wondering why Vista actually even includes Notepad.  (Or does it? I still have XP…)
Luckily Notepad is so simple that some DOS friend of mine or other could writenew Notepad, ha ha.  Like, say, you. 
Should invent browser just for Litmocracy.  Litmocrolinux!  Never crashes! 

JWB… 

“Ed’s parents have no real interest or understanding about the house itself—they probably wouldn’t have bought it if they had.  Ed, however, is constantly curious about it, learning more and more.  His knowledge of the yard and its obstacles is similar, and he uses that for his payback.”

Well then, maybe it doesn’t need to be part of a longer piece, per se, but rather have some things inserted thoughout House discussion, to more obviously indicate Ed’s interest, and parents’ lack thereof.  When I was reading it, it seemed like just a description of a house, but I suppose you could try to insert some child perspective in there so we can see that Ed himself is actually thinking about the house.

I am supposed to be writing a short story for children at the moment, sigh. 
Somehow, because I am supposed to be, I can’t get into it. 

Groan, moan.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 16 December 2007 12:17 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
Newbie
Rank
Total Posts:  7
Joined  2005-10-18

Quite an intriguing story. However, too long about the house as such (before it came into possession of this family) - especially since the story is written from the perspective of a child.

My fantasy of course saw all kinds of things hidden under that rock - skeleton or some such thing (but that is just my fantasy) smile

Still - intriguing!

Regards
Ingrid

Profile
 
 
Posted: 21 September 2008 02:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
Newbie
Rank
Total Posts:  1
Joined  2008-09-21

I had the same fantasy.

Profile
 
 
   
 
 
‹‹ Fifteen      Reflection ››