Posted: 11 January 2008 02:04 AM   [ Ignore ]
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Did you like the protagonist?
Did reading this remind you of someone?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

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Posted: 12 January 2008 07:48 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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The protagonist was a little introverted for me, but I suppose that’s what the story is about, so he was likable enough.

It reminded me of me.  I recently quit my job because it was taking too much of my time.  I have a lot of projects going on (Litmocracy is one of them) and the job was keeping me from them.  But since I quit, I’ve spent just about all my time at home.  Sometimes it’s with my kids or wife, but I hardly ever see anyone else.  Though I don’t have an Elvis thing, there are things that keep me from going out.  This morning I had dream after dream after dream (this is what happens when you aren’t used to sleeping in but you are able to do it anyway, as far as I can tell) of being in public places and just looking at people.  I miss people.  I gotta get out more.  My brother-in-law’s 40th birthday party is tonight and we have to go dressed in all black to mourn the passing.  So I’ll see people.  And this morning (I take a walk every morning) I met a neighbor and walked with her for about 50 yards, chatting about our walks (she walks her dog every morning).  So things are looking up.

It also reminded me of my friend Alex Boese, whom I haven’t seen for a long time.  He’s the curator of the Museum of Hoaxes (www.museumofhoaxes.com) and a graduate student (still, I think), because he has a thing for Elvis and he’s an excellent writer.

Anyway, I have a book of ten stories that I wrote (“Brain Juice”), and I sent to an editor and paid her $100 to edit it.  She (swankivy at Everything2) said that I “have a tendency to end stories with a sudden fast-forward and overall wrap-up…”  Your story reminded me of that comment too.

Dave.

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Posted: 15 January 2008 09:44 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Hi, Dave,

Yes, Pal is a bit introverted due to his family’s ridicule of his Elvis hobby.  I based his character on an actual East Indian Elvis impersonator my husband happened to come across at an amusement park.  The gentleman was in full Elvis regalia and a cell phone was attached to his wide belt.  There were initial concerns by an editor or two that the piece would be found offensive to the Indian community, but would it have been any less offensive if the main character were Japanese?  People have their quirks and interests, some may be stranger than others, but the bottomline is that EVERYONE has them.

That’s interesting: “sudden fast-forward and overall wrap-up…”; I hadn’t heard that applied to “The Avvy” before.  I’m curious enough to re-read the ending and maybe see if I could have ended it a different way.

Funny, I was thumbing through a copy of Ripley’s “Believe It or Not” at the local library this afternoon.  Museum of Hoaxes sounds very similar.  I’ll peruse the site to see if I can conjure up a story outline from it.

Thank you for your thoughts and comments!

Sheila

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Posted: 20 February 2008 10:15 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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I wasn’t going to say so, hadn’t really thought about it, but Dave’s comment about “fast-forward and overall wrap-up” does resonate with me, too.  Even I shall have to reread the story to see what’s really meant by that. 

Other than that, I loved the story, and I don’t mind Pal’s introversion.

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Posted: 21 February 2008 01:11 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Thank you for your comments and compliment, Julianyway.  I would be interested in any more of your thoughts about the ending, or any other parts of the story.  The story was much longer in the first few versions when I first started writing it.  Some of the feedback I received was that it was too long, but no one specifically suggested that the ending needed re-working, especially to lengthen it.

What would you, and Dave too, would have liked to have read about in the ending; more about Pal, more about Marie, more about Las Vegas commuters and the scenery, etc?  That would be helpful too.

Again, thank you!

Sheila

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Posted: 25 February 2008 12:28 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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I obviously need to think about that question - how to lengthen the end…

I think the trick is to find things in the story that you could construe as “loose ends” and tie them up.  It’s a new concept for me.  Thanks for making me thing of it.  They should be tied up in reverse order or excitement, so that by the time you’re done reading, you’ve lost interest in the story.  Or maybe the opposite.  Hmm.  Something to think about.

Dave.

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