Posted: 27 June 2016 05:04 PM   [ Ignore ]
Total Posts:  68
Joined  2013-02-06

Was reading this more comforting or more exciting?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

Posted: 01 December 2018 09:28 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Total Posts:  639
Joined  2005-08-30

Your last paragraph came out too fast.  The full impact of the main character’s situation and decision, I feel, should be in the present tense.  Right before that last paragraph, we have pretty much the whole story, and it’s just sad.  The table is set very well for an odyssey through the music she plays.  If you added a few paragraphs in there to cover her emoting (in the present tense) through playing (name the songs if you want, or whatever you like - but take us on that journey), I think this story would be much more enjoyable.

I’m also a victim of the American Dream and/or Disney, so I like a happy ending.  At least some glimmer of hope or an acknowledgement that what happens at the end has a chance to produce a brighter future.