well would like to know how i did in this article of mine. will appreciate any kind of suggestion or anything at all.

This is quite beautiful in its own way.  I think everybody has been through what you’re describing, or emitting, or emoting, or whatever it is! 
The fact that I can identify with it is a tribute to its best feature, which is its generality.  The narrator doesn’t say precisely what the thing is that is causing so much grief and pain and regret, and so the reader can just insert his/her own issue, and feel right at home! 

I’m feeling really picky today, and I want you to fix your punctuation.  Other than that, yo!  Normally I’d complain that this is too negative, but it’s so incredibly miserable and sad that it’s a work of art.  It’s even, actually, cheered me up!

Cheers!

Sometime I feel that way too.  I have never gotten very close to the ultimate response to this misery - suicide - but the idea has kicked around in my head from time to time.  The problem is that in some states of mind, even the best of all possible futures just doesn’t look worth getting to it.  But I have a way out.  I don’t know exactly how to characterize it, but basically, I somehow recognize/assume that I’m full of crap.  Psychologically, I mean, and often physically too.  I mean not that I have to go to the bathroom, but that I’m fighting some microbe, and it is clouding my thoughts.

However, this just won’t work if you’ve felt the same way long enough to rule out some advancing illness.  What’s long enough?  I don’t know.

And anyway, I think you have to learn how to have a cheery disposition, and once you know how to do it well, you can practice it and enjoy it enough to feel that living through the crappier parts of life is worth getting to those times when you can really feel cheery, in addition to acting like you feel that way.

Sometimes, I just eat a ripe banana.  Have you tried that?

I see the trap set before me, and I know that if I start, I will get trapped.  But in I go anyway.  That’s what this post is coming from.

Oh DAVE!!!  How ripe should the banana BE?  How ripe can it get?

I suppose I’m up too late, but I don’t have to work tomorrow and you guys (complete with the rest of the internet, not to mention my poodle and cats) drive me nuts.  (I mean, in a good way.)

Seriously, I don’t know whether it’s possible to LEARN to have a cheery disposition—I mean, I imagine one could improve on one’s disposition, but there are surely predispositions and genetic factors that make everything different for everyone.  (That’s why it’s called a “disposition.”)

Personally, I wake up every morning going “YAY!!!”.... and then I realize what’s going on, and that I have to go to work, and am not rich and famous or even remotely so…etc….  and sometimes/often go… “...oh.”  And then… “Shit.”  But I take it that those first “YAY!”  fleeting two seconds of my first waking hours are a tribute to lucky happy chemistry.  Some people (as I understand) wake up and are already sad. 

I suppose there’s a difference between seeing a trap in advance and waking up IN it.  I’m glad I haven’t had much of the latter to deal with.

“Seriously, I don’t know whether it’s possible to LEARN to have a cheery disposition—I mean, I imagine one could improve on one’s disposition”

Something fishy is there.  Are you messing with us?  Maybe what I don’t get is the idea of behaviors which don’t get easier each time you do them.  I don’t believe in such a thing.  I think that if you do a behavior with intent, then you’re going to change at least a little bit, which is going to make you better (on average, over time, generally) at achieving that intent.  I also think that the amount of change is strongly correlated with how much attention you pay to what you’re doing, how humble you are, how willing you are to experiment, and how stubborn you are about maintaining your beliefs in the face of counter-evidence.

There is a point at which the banana becomes unpeelable because the outer layer of peel comes away from the inner layer of peel more easily than the inner layer comes away from the banana.  The banana is about one day past the perfect ripeness for me if this is the case anywhere on the outside of the banana.  Of course, if you can stomach it, the riper the banana, the stronger the mood-change.  It’s basic fermentation.

I do agree with your first paragraph. It’s compatible with what I was saying, which is that some people are going to have a harder time cheering (themselves) up than others.  Everybody’s different.

The combination of fish, bananas and fermentation all in the same post is making me a bit woozy, I must say.