Posted: 23 May 2007 05:14 PM   [ Ignore ]
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Please edit this forum post to introduce
              the discussion of your submission.

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Posted: 24 May 2007 01:04 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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I like this a lot, but it doesn’t seem done.  Also, there should be more reason for you to be so irritated at your wife.  Geeze.  Maybe she has a headache!  Maybe YOU are being a pain!  (The narrator’s impatient voice could—for example—be used to mention irritating things HE’S doing, without realizing they’re irritating.)  I think this is one of the few times when something should be longer, with more development and idea of what the “moral” of the story is. 
It’s really well written and I wanted to find out more about what happened to the characters, and why they’re not, um, getting along so well.

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Posted: 24 May 2007 02:16 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Thanks for reading, julianyway!

The reason the man is so irritated with his wife is because she has been pestering him throughout the trip. It also says that he realized a certain situation as a ‘no-win’ as if he had encountered plenty before this story takes place. He probably IS being a pain but since this is a story revolving around him, I want to keep it in his head and there is no way he’d admit he is being annoying. The story could easily be told from the wife’s point-of-view and that is what I love about the story - everyone (i.e. husband, wife, Tweak, and Woolly) are round enough characters that they could have their own account on the situation.

There really is no “moral” to the story. I just wanted to take a slice of real life and portray it. I think it could be a humur piece to married people and/or people who have had hard times on long roadtrips before. I just wanted everyone to be able to enjoy it, and I’m glad that you did!

I’m still in “editing mode” and writing other stories so it will continue to take shape, be put aside, take shape, etc. My goal for this short story is for it to be published in some type of literary magazine.

Thanks again for reading! grin

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