One suggestion: Pick a moment around which to straighten out the tenses. You might have a good reason to shift the point of view around on the time-line, but it confused me, and, being the humble know-it-all that I am, I know that means it confuses most people. Where the present tense is important, you could have her re-live the experience in her memory.
That was really cool! I’m glad some of my money goes to people like Mrs. Whitmore.
Still, what I liked the most was the reference to all that nodding making it like a John Travolta movie. Well, no, that’s not true. I liked that a lot because it made me laugh out loud, but the father-daughter dynamic was my favorite, being a father to three girls.
I read this story while listening to music from Hearts Of Space (www.hos.com for the curious) and I *think* it gave it an advantage over other stuff that I read while not listening to music. However, I can’t really tell. Piano music seems to fill me with comfort. Thanks to mom and dad who played a lot of classical for me when I was little.
