Posted: 18 February 2008 07:51 PM   [ Ignore ]
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Do you have any suggestions for the author?
What could be edited out to shorten this?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

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Posted: 20 February 2008 04:37 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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It was relief to find out she was on the death ship, that she had been chosen by the queen, that Abbi is her friend, and that she trusts him.  These reliefs came too slowly for me, though.  Intro, rising, climax, denouement - it all felt like intro to me, until she talks with the queen, and then Abbi.

I liked the story in a story too.  I’m not familiar enough with Nordic mythology to suggest ant edits to shorten it.  I think, rather, some tension could be introduced early to pull the reader forward.  Excitement about death, maybe, or fear, or both.

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Posted: 16 March 2008 02:29 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Dave, thanks for your comments on “Genesis” which just got accepted into an online journal, “Prick of the Spindle”.

I’m pretty stoked! My first literaray publication… yeah baby! So, I guess that means if it was still in the running at LT, I am going to have to kindly ask for it to be withdrawn.

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