Hi yosome,
I really liked the idea behind your story. It was a little difficult to follow for me, because at times you seem to push too many different ideas in one paragraph, and I find myself not being clear on how they relate. I like your ‘relaxed’ story telling stlye. I feel that it’s a bit too slack at certain times though, and maybe putting a bit more work into your grammar and sentence structure would help on that front. I might suggest that if you’re going to write something that has that kind of wordcount, you could make it even longer and develop your ideas a little more. That would make the story even more interesting and might help untangle those many elements.
As far as voting in the context of this Short Contest category, I ducked a few points for the length and not seeing a donkey in there. That should be easy to fix, in my opinion, as you have many, many donkey opportunities in there!! 
- Star
