Posted: 17 November 2008 11:21 AM   [ Ignore ]
Total Posts:  12
Joined  2007-02-13

Do you have any suggestions for the author?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

Posted: 19 November 2008 10:06 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Total Posts:  286
Joined  2006-07-29

Hey Jay,

First, well, I’m a HUGE zombie fan, so when I started reading your story, I was really excited…:)

I enjoyed your story telling and style, and the fact that you use great descriptives in a simple manner. Came across a few words we don’t see often enough, and that made me smile.

I wish you had worked the ending a bit more - I felt like it unravelled too fast for me. I understand what you’re going for at the end, but I would make it a bit longer to let the feeling linger, and to allow for that last idea to seep a little more in the mind…

Very enjoyable read, thanks for sharing!
- Star


Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Editing your stuff: Because an apostrophe is often all that stands between writers who know their shit and writers who know they’re shit.

Posted: 03 December 2008 09:23 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
Jr. Member
Total Posts:  34
Joined  2008-05-28

Awesome Jay! 

I loved reading this.  I can imagine it longer - novel length even.  It did seem like there were a few parts that were rushed, of course, I can’t remember which ones now, but if you want to know specifics just let me know.  I loved how the story flowed and twisted and the shock factor at the end.

I agree with Star about your use of descriptives and style.  It was easy to read, yet descriptive enough to evoke fairly vivid images in my head.

Well done!


Hell is not a place, it’s a state of mind.  Phantom by Susan Kay

‹‹ The Hummer      Reflection ››