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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A very cerebral day

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I can’t get out of my own head today.  I seem to be….bothered by just about everything going on around me.  From the leaf blower my neighbor is using to the dumb news on CNN.  It is one of those days.  No matter how many coors lights i drink, or how many marlboro lights i smoke I keep thinking that i’m missing something.  The point maybe?  Or maybe I’m no longer missing but I have completely missed…the opportunity?  It has truly turned into one of those days where I can only think of ways to not do things.  In fact it took a lot to get me to write this. 

I can’t stop thinking about Old orchard beach Maine, my parents are there on a short vacation right now and it seems almost far enough from Los Angeles to be perfect.  I have this love hate thing with the city of angels.  Its every bit horrible and wonderful at the same time.  It is definitely not a “real” place with “real” people.  More of a huge movie set full of actors and extra’s from all over the world playing make believe.  What I’m tired of is being an extra.  That being said I certainly don’t do myself any favors that could possibly help.  I understand now that I’m reluctantly seeking fame and fortune.  That I play music because I like to not because someone might pay me a lot of money for it is to some people admirable.  But to me it’s a handcuff.  I can say the same thing about writing and acting and just about everything else.  I’m not sure if that’s normal but I am sure I don’t care. 

The TV is on droning about last nights debates.  I wish i didn’t care about that but I do.  Some of these people make me very angry and that is a running theme lately.  I get really angry at politicians when they do things that i feel are really ridiculous, when their beliefs and goals don’t coordinate with mine I feel the need to punch things excessively.  All this bickering and stalling and meandering around the issues is so disheartening to me that sometimes I have to shut off everything and sit in the darkness and silence to calm down.  Maybe it’s because I studied a lot of history and i know that this is not what the united states of america was supposed to be.  Maybe i’m tired of being called a hippy treehugger because i believe climate change is real and is mostly our fault.  Maybe I’m tired of being called a racist because I think America should protect and control the border.  Mostly I’m tired of feeling like i can’t do anything about it though.

Most days I ignore these voices but every once in awhile I can’t.  So I drink some Coors Lights, and smoke some marlboro lights….I mean Golds since we can’t say light anymore….thank God cuz I really thought the lights had Vitamins in them….and at least today i talked myself into writing these thoughts down for whatever reason.  Mostly i wrote them because i enjoyed writing them.  Weather or not someone else likes them or gives a shit at all is something i do not care about at all anymore….

So now I shut off my TV, and close my eyes, and drift across the country to a quite empty stretch of sand and water about a mile down from the pier in Old orchard beach Maine.

Posted by dayve311 on 09/13 at 04:26 PM | Permalink
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