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Saturday, December 23, 2006

A work in progress

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This one is still in progress, but I kinda hit a standstill on it… I’ve never tried a stock standard rhymer, so I’m just playing with it and wanted a little feedback from more experienced poets. Let me know whatcha think so far.

In a different time, a different place,
I’d lay my hands upon your face.
Kiss your lips so soft and sweet,
Lay my heart down at your feet.

I’d feel your heart beat next to mine,
Would that I could cross that line.
Feel your heart beat next to me,
Run with you among the trees.

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Old Comments

  • I like this one very much
    Short & sweet.
    A bite sized piece of chocolate.

    I see that you wrote this a while ago….
    anything new to add to it?

    Like the rhymes by the way.
    I usually don’t rhyme two lines immediately after one another…I’m an every other kind of guy…if at all.

    Cheers

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  05/03  at  06:59 PM
  • Page 1 of 1 pages

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