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Friday, December 31, 2010
Chinese Dilemma: Emergency at Three Gorges Dam
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The Peoples Republic of China, in response to rising concerns, took emergency action to lower the water level at its newly operational Three Gorges Dam site overnight. The hydroelectric plant, mired in controversy since its inception, is in danger of failing due to extreme high water levels that exceed design limits.
In a dramatic move aimed at overcoming the apparent absurdity, People’s Republic of China Central Government Committee officials, in an effort to forestall the ongoing problem, massed two hundred million Chinese soldiers upstream, along the banks of the Yangtze River, in a determined effort to prevent a downstream catastrophe. Equipped with giant plastic straws, the plan is to have thirsty soldiers drink as much water as they can, for as long as it takes, starting at noon tomorrow.
In a press release intended to ease apprehensions, Xian Zing, chief engineer and spokesperson for the China Three Gorges Project Corporation proudly predicted success with the party line mantra, “The glorious Army of The Peoples Republic of China, the largest Army in the world, stands ready to help prevent an ecological disaster of unbounded proportions.”
Elsewhere in the world, upon hearing of the contingency plan, Swedish scientist, Nordumb Witsend, PhD, noted Nobel laureate in Geomorphic Hydrodynamics, and inventor of synthetic water, rushed to point out the fatal flaw inherent in the expedient solution. At an impromptu press conference held in rainy Stockholm, Dr. Witsend had this to say about the situation:
“Apart from the remarkable child like simplicity of the problem solving logic, which is indeed a masterpiece of inscrutable oriental thinking, I feel compelled to point out to the western world the irony that the giant straws the Central Committee plans to use to remedy the problem suffer from a fatal design flaw. The giant straws are in fact made from a pirated Japanese formula for water soluble plastic.”
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