Friday, January 18, 2008


Category: Issue 12

This is what happened when I called my car insurance company recently:

Insurance Lady: Can I help you?

Me: Hi, my car insurance is up for renewal soon, but my car was in such bad shape that I sold it to a junkyard. It will be a month or two before I can get another car, so I will call you and get insurance again when I have a new car.

IL: If you have a break in your coverage, you will lose your discount for having insurance for the last three years.

Me: Huh?

IL: When you got your policy you got a discount for having continuous coverage for at least three years. If you don’t have coverage for a while, then you lose your discount.

Me: Well, there’s no point I having coverage when I don’t have a car.

IL: You have to have continuous coverage to get the discount.

Me: I had continuous coverage because I had a car. I don’t have a car now.

IL: You’ll lose your discount if you don’t have continuous coverage for at least three years.

Me: My car was just sitting there. It wasn’t safe to drive. I sold it partly so I could save the insurance money for a new car.

IL: Your renewal is due in three days.

Me: I don’t need car insurance now. I don’t have a car.

IL: We could issue a “non owner” policy.

Me: What’s that?

IL: A policy for non owners.

Me: A car insurance policy for someone who does not own a car.

IL: Yes.

Me: So I would have coverage on a non existent car.

IL: It would continue your continuous coverage.

Me: And how much is a “non-owner” policy?

IL: Let’s see…(sound of computer keyboard in use) That would be sixty five dollars less than your regular policy.

Me: Sixty five dollars.

IL: Correct.

Me: Your company will take sixty five dollars off my car insurance policy because I don’t have a car.

IL: Yes.

Me: Sixty five dollars off means you will charge me almost three hundred dollars to insure a car that I don’t have.

IL: And keep your coverage continuous.

Me: Can I make a claim?

IL: Excuse me?

Me: On my nonexistent car. What if I’m not driving my non-car in heavy traffic, and some idiot in another non-car smashes into my non-bumper from behind. Can I make a claim?

IL:  I don’t understand.

Me: If I’m paying three hundred dollars to insure a car that I don’t have, I want to make sure I will be covered f I have an accident.

IL: The “non-owner” policy will continue your coverage.

Me: What if I want to sue? What if I call one of those lawyers who advertise on TV that they can get more money from the insurance company? How would my case turn out it if I sued for more money under my “non-owner” policy that covers my non-car? Would I be rich? Could I retire early all because I kept my coverage continuous and paid you money I can’t afford to insure a car I don’t have?

IL: Do you want us to issue a “non-owner” policy?

Me: I guess. I don’t want to lose the policy.

IL: Since you’re renewal is due in three days, you would have to pay full price, then we’ll adjust it later.

Me: Oh, I have to pay full price to cover a non-car, and you will graciously take sixty five dollars off later because I’m a non owner of the non-car.

IL: Correct.

Are you familiar with the term “Insurance scam?”

IL: Yes.

Me:  Well, it’s missing the words “is” and “a”.

IL: Excuse me?

Me: Insurance IS A scam!

So now I don’t have car insurance to cover the car I don’t have, and when I get a new car, the insurance will cost more because I didn’t insure the car I didn’t have. I want to start an insurance company.

Author’s note: This was written in 2002, so the amount of the policy is less than it would be now.

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Old Comments

  • Love it! Sounds like something that would happen to me. I LOL’ed out loud. Thanks!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  02/28  at  09:51 PM
  • Seems to me insurance (scams) are the same all over the world. Enjoyed this.


    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  03/02  at  06:33 AM
  • Just normal. I used to be the insurance lady.  What a scam on all sides!

    Posted by julianyway  on  03/04  at  11:19 PM
  • I Enjoyed the real life aspect of your story.  We have all, at one time or another, fallen prey to “Robotic Employee Syndrome”.  Some say it is caused by poor diet. Perhaps too much popcorn?

    I hear tell govermental experts once proposed to study this serious problem. However, because of a wide-spread outbreak of Alzheimer’s Disease, they forgot about it.

    Posted by Green Fingered Skinner  on  03/19  at  10:27 PM
  • Wow. That just reminds me of how lucky I am to live in a big city where I don’t need a car. You should have just told them you don’t need the insurance anyways. The money you saved from not having it probably covers the “discount” you were getting for a while.

    Posted by Shonuff21  on  11/08  at  04:34 PM
  • What a scam on all sides buddy! A quantity of articulate it is cause by underprivileged diet. Conceivably at the same time as well much popcorn. Thanks foe your info! smile

    Posted by jasoncall  on  04/27  at  12:04 PM
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