Friday, June 01, 2012

Locked Up Free

Category: Life

The fact that I could lock the door is probably the thing that stands out the most. It was a very shabby little room, in a cheap guesthouse, but they had given me a key and I could bolt the room from the inside. It was clean, and no one could get in. 
I couldn’t really believe it. I’m not stupid, never have been, never had been; I remember wondering at my own wonderment and my own tears, that no one could get into this room. 
I sat on the edge of the bed, which was just a mattress on some wooden planks. There was a TV, which I could turn on and put on any channel that I wanted to. There was a bathroom. 
I could stay up as long as I wanted to. No one could come storming in and yell at me for staying up too late.
This room belonged to me. 
I was still afraid; my fear was normal.  I sat on the edge of the bed and cried.

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Old Comments

  • Freedom is a dual edged sword, as is conscience and adulthood. Ask Camus, Sartre, or Nietzsche. Rand never got it, that was her fatal flaw. Too isolated to realize we’re all isolated, and so she became a diva who consumed her own farts like they were ether. This is a phenomenal piece, Julia, your best by far, and I was already a fan of your work. Kafka would be proud. To express our limitations, hope and exasperation, all so simply. Bravo.

    When I was about 5 years old or so, my parents split up. They later divorced. At some point, on more than one occasion, my dad was off and my mom had me and she was young and running around, and she left me across the street with neighbors next to her mother’s house in Baltimore. My grandmother wasn’t home, they agreed to babysit I suppose, and she had places to go. Once she left, they locked me in the crawl space under the front porch. It was dark and there were bugs and shit, but I was kind of free. It was my space. I was terrified and I guess kind of thrilled at the same time.

    Anyway, this piece, reminded me of and evoked that feeling, and said so much more in so few words.

    That, I believe, is great art.

    More please.

    Posted by deminizer  on  06/01  at  11:14 PM
  • Btw, it was the double never have been. Genius.

    Posted by deminizer  on  06/01  at  11:15 PM
  • Ah, thanks. Actually it’s a true. I guess the secret is to know when to shut up!

    Posted by julianyway  on  06/08  at  05:44 PM
  • grin

    This is a well written piece. I like your writting style. From my own personal experience, I can relate to the feelings expressed here. I would like to read more of your stuff.

    Posted by 12mimi22  on  03/01  at  01:32 PM
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