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Thursday, October 27, 2005

Medication

Category: Poetry/Lyrics
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  • I think you used “grey” too much.  It distracted me and I started trying to figure out if it meant more than the numb meaninglessness that we drop into under the ravages of chronic pain.

    Also, the claim about checmical imbalances seems condescending.  Someone may have mentioned “show, don’t tell” before.

    I think if the narrator of this piece seemed to have a better connection to the sufferer, it would reach deeper places in the audience.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/27  at  11:57 PM
  • OK. Thanks.

    Posted by The Teenage Wizard of MSM  on  10/29  at  12:30 AM
  • from the impression, grey would indicate nothingness,which is untrue. grey is both white,in light of hope and purity, and black,(the deepest shade of blue) of despair and finality. I agree with the overuse of gray, perhaps an underlying signal of the lack of certainty in knowing the subjecttruely?

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/31  at  01:46 PM
  • I’ve got to be honest, me young wizzer, I like it, but I agree that you either used too much grey, or not enough. If your intention is to convey that medicating a problem doesn’t solve it, just kind of freezes it in a grey stasis, then perhaps you should have illustrated the point by having the grey take over the poem as such…

    Chemical grey imbalance in the grey brain
    Causes (grey) spiritual (grey)torment
    No one knows why…grey.
    She (grey)cries and hates (grey) and hurts (GREY)
    And envelopes herself in grey darkness
    The cool(grey), safe(grey), protecting(grey, brooding(grey) darkness
    That gives her reason
    When there is none.

    And she wonders why the tablet doesn’t work.

    greygreygreygreygreygrey…...

    ...Perhaps build the inate paranoia of sedation…Either that, or my prozac is wearing off.

    Posted by deminizer  on  10/31  at  02:24 PM
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