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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Rachel Poulter and the Insurmountable Dilemma

Category: Humor/Satire
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  • After Chapter 1, I enjoyed this.  A possible fix might be to blatantly add just a tad of subtle innuendo or double-entendre right at the beginning.  Rachel’s private joke about the package was good.  Something like that should come earlier.

    The fake chapter VI masks the fact that the dark figure that Rachel walked into at the end of Ch. V is never mentioned again.  I’m not aware of a mistake like that in the Potter books, but if there is one, then carry on!

    Finally, your writing seems to me similar enough to Rowlings’ that the introduction of the author is distracting.  I mean, for me at least, I think it would be more enjoyable not to be reminded of the fact that when reading, you’re just begging the author to control your mind.  Also, there’s no explanation about what it was that stemmed from the fact that “he” (I couldn’t tell if you meant Jean-Francois or Jack Sparrow) was the alter-ego of the author.  That made it all the more distracting.  A possible solution would be to have Rachel imagine that she’s just a character in a book and wonder if she has control over whether she would like the author and who in her life might be the author’s alter-ego.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  08/02  at  01:52 AM
  • Hiya! Thank you for your comment. It made me feel better about posting on Litmocracy, for several reasons.

    First, I wrote it as a story for someone’s birthday. If you were confused by why this seemingly-unknown woman is suddenly introduced, it’s because she’s the “someone”. She happens to have a crush on both Alan Rickman and Johnny Depp, so that explains that…

    Secondly, it has lots of obscure references to said friend. All the coffee comments, the character’s hatred of mornings amongst other things are just in-jokes which only she could really understand.

    Thirdly, I hoped I wouldn’t be going over the line by posting something based on other writing (ie. Harry Potter), but it looks like that isn’t too much of a problem.

    To address your comment. The dark character from the end of Chapter V is meant to be Dumbledore, from whom we hear again in the real Chapter VI. However, I shall try to clarify this in the future. The fake Chapter VI is another in-joke I’m afraid, given that I have a crush on Draco Malfoy.

    As for the author being referenced in the actual text, I did that because, this being a personal story, I thought it wouldn’t be a terrible idea. But if I were writing a proper short story, I wouldn’t have tried it.

    As for who ‘he’ was, it was meant to be Jean- Francois. I first wrote this in Word, and there, it was asterixed(?) at the point where the star is in this version. Further down, where it starts with “This partly stemmed from the fact that he was”, this was asterixed, in a smaller font, and at the bottom of the page. Unfortunately, this is not shown here so it does seem rather confusing.

    A large problem I found in writing this was with the discourse. I don’t know how realistic you find the dicourse, so any comments on that would be really quite useful.

    But anyway, thank you for your comment!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  08/02  at  11:42 AM
  • Hey feel free to edit your story.  If you don’t see a “Edit this piece” link at the bottom, you can click the “permalink” and it will show up.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  08/02  at  07:42 PM
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