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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

the better option

Category: Mind Change
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  • You wrote “After those words no matter what you say, you can’t change the other person’s mind.”  Sometimes we have to be the ones that change, and being outspoken can often help us realize it.

    You also wrote “...and now you no longer know where to go.”  This is not a bad thing.  It is certainly uncomfortable to be lost, but when we don’t feel lost, there are all kinds of good things that we don’t do as much:  Seek, ask, examine, test, theorize, experiment, reach out, and take risks.  Being outspoken with someone who holds a different set of beliefs is one of the best ways to “get lost” enough to start looking again.

    You have described some possible effects of being outspoken in order to back up the claim that being outspoken is sometimes a bad idea.  However, the effects you described are not damaging or harmful or destructive.  They are uncomfortable and challenging and perhaps even painful, but these negative effects are often blessings in disguise because they motivate us to become better people - and they don’t have any lasting negative consequences.

    From your first paragraph, it seems that you expected too much from simply being outspoken, honest, and up front.  I agree that hollow spaces between us are never created, but there are always spaces there to being with.  It is the filling of those spaces that makes us enjoy each other.  And I have to point out that no person *ever* knows exactly what is going through another person’s mind - outspoken or not.  Feeling insecure about that is natural, but as we mature, we learn to ignore that insecurity and in return we get the pleasure of closer relationships with many different kinds of people.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  01/20  at  09:19 PM
  • Very thought inspiring essay you wrote there.  The thing is: There are “truths” that need to be told and there are “truths” that are better left unspoken: For instance if you tell somebody that he/she is ugly/fat/stupid etc. and leave it there, then this is a negative action which does not change things to the better and leaves the space and emptiness you write about.

    Often true words are also uttered when a person is in a rage (just for a second’s satisfaction),inflicting deep wounds - then it is very difficult to rebuild the former companionship.

    On the other hand, if there is a truth you withold - a truth which really makes a difference; a truth that, by being left unstated, serves the purpose of injustice or evil or which restricts your life and all it entails, then it must definitely be said.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  01/24  at  11:16 AM
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