Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Decollate Apiarian *** Part Two***

Category: Short Story

*** Part Two ***

D.A. Wilson: “And what did you do with the millions of bees not repositioned on your farm?”

Witness Dr. Currant. “I signaled a massive final roundup, electronically. We accomplished this by broadcasting a homing signal along a straight-line vector leading our bee air force back to our lab. My staff calculated approximately ninety-two percent of my bee air force either returned home or died trying. We rendered the numerous returnees into a massive supply of Decollate Apiarian.”

D.A. Wilson: “Enough of your scientific bee B. S.  While what you claim is most interesting, let us switch threads of thought for a moment, from the incredible to the mundane. Please tell this Court, as the duly elected Coroner of Tarrant County is it your job to perform autopsies on humans?”

Witness: Dr. Currant: “You know it is…”

D.A. Wilson: “As County Coroner do your duties include signing death certificates?”

Witness: Dr. Currant: “You know it does…”

D.A. Wilson: “Did you perform the autopsy on your wife, Dr. Currant?”

Witness: Dr. Currant: “No I did not. Texas State law prohibits relatives from performing autopsies on relatives. That is the law.”

D.A. Wilson: “Did you at any time attempt to influence the determination of the cause of death listed on your wife’s death certificate?”

Witness: Dr. Currant: “That notion is preposterous. I already stated I did not perform the autopsy on my wife. My student assistant, Dr. Tagito, did that. Naturally, as his instructor, I watched pedantically as he performed the autopsy. He and he alone signed the death certificate. I only witnessed his signature.”

D.A. Wilson: “That is what you would like us to believe. However, according to the previous testimony of your former assistant, Dr. Tagito, he swore you made him delay the autopsy on your wife for over seventy-two hours, which coincidently is the exact amount of time it takes for Decollate Apiarian to aerate, decrease, and then disappear from the human body. Moreover, Dr. Tagito testified he could not perform the autopsy on your wife for more than three whole days because you personally placed an administrative hold on your wife’s remains, until the Monday following the Thursday after she died. Consequentially, her body lay in the heated hallway of the Tarrant county Morgue for three whole days, instead of in a refrigerated cooler. That fact strikes the people of the State of Texas as strange. Can you explain to this Court why you did that?”

Witness: Dr. Currant: “I did not influence or delay my wife’s autopsy. You are making another reckless, unfounded, and improvable assertion. Check the records. Do your homework. Put on your thinking cap, Mr. Wilson. Perhaps you do not remember that on the day before my wife died, a train hit a school bus full of schoolchildren at an unmarked rural railroad crossing, in rural Tarrant County. Sadly, six children and the driver of that school bus perished on that day. The morgue was busy the entire weekend, and longer. The coolers were full, so I order my staff to place some bodies on gurneys in the hallways, under air conditioner vents. We were running out of room, you stupid, pointy headed, pompous lout…”

The Court: “The witness will refrain from making any more exclamatory statements.  You are reminded of the rules for contempt of court.”

D.A. Wilson: “The State contends you did more than manage an overcrowding situation. In fact, you were then, and still are now, in charge of scheduling who does what and to whom at the Tarrant County morgue. At the morgue, it is either your way or the highway. According to the testimony of Dr. Tagito, you are notorious for being a demanding control freak, especially when it comes to performing autopsies. Do you deny you exercise complete control over the day to day operations of the Tarrant County Morgue?”

Witness: Dr. Currant: “So what if I do? Performing autopsies is only part of my job. I also have many other diverse and various responsibilities, including maintaining a workforce of twenty, doing local, state, and federal record keeping, statistical data acquisition and compilation, body recovery, transportation and storage, making medical determinations, not the least of which includes teaching ego centric, mistake prone apprentices and underperforming protégés, to be better doctors. I also oversee lab security, including security for the entire capital plant. As to your calling me rabid and uncompromising, it is as I stated before. I am a busy man.”

The prosecution stated it was finished with its cross-examination of Dr. Currant.

The Court: “You may rebutt the previous testimony, Mr. Simmons.”

Defense Attorney Simmons rose to his feet and declared, “I have no questions for the witness. At this time, I would now recall detective Farouche to the stand.”

Testimony of Recalled Witness Detective Captain Steven Farouche

Attorney Simmons: “Let us continue your testimony, detective. When you testified before, I sensed you have something more to add. Did your investigation reveal anything other than, or in addition to, what you previously told this Court?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Yes, I have much more to tell this Court! And, the D.A. is aware of what I am going to say…”

Attorney Simmons: “Please tell this Court what else your investigation uncovered.”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Concerning motive, although Dr. Currant’s bee business went bankrupt, he was not exactly broke. In the course of our investigation, forensic accountants discovered Dr. Currant has abundant monies deposited in numerous checking accounts, brokerage accounts, and trading accounts at commodity exchanges in Dallas, New York, Chicago, and elsewhere.”

  “Apparently, the defendant and his wife made piles of money speculating and investing on commodities over the years, based on the knowledge he gained from his vast bee monitoring endeavors. Dr. Currant has millions more in other offshore accounts in Europe and the Caribbean basin.  Presently, all of the current cash flow is generated by the steady sale of his patent medicines.  In years past, the cash flow also included profits from his honey processing and beeswax operations.”

  “Forensic accountants have determined what he does with his money is perfectly illegal.  After the FBI could not find any fault with his overseas accounts, the IRS issued a letter of determination indicating there are no unpaid taxes due, and all paperwork, e.g., timely filings and required disclosures of all business interests owned by or controlled by Dr. Robert Currant, appear to be in perfect order.”

Attorney Simmons: “Are any of these accounts you uncovered recent new accounts?”

Witness Detective Farouche: “No. These accounts date back many years. Furthermore, during all this time, the defendant is not now, or ever has been, in violation of any U.S. law(s). Dr. Currant is now, and has been for the better part of his life, independently wealthy. He exhibits no covert need for money. His credit is totally asset backed. He is A-1 Black credit worthy, with a total net worth exceeding eighty million dollars. In addition, he has no outstanding debt. My team did not detect any unreported or suspicious income streams. Hence, we ruled out money as a motive for murder.”

Attorney Simmons: “Did your investigation uncover more facts?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Yes it did. The most interesting discovery we made concerns the astounding results of an extensive examination the defendant consented to involving carbon dating of his skeleton, specifically his long ago broken right tibia.  The results of this test proved Dr. Currant is as old as he claims to be.”

  “In the interest of science, Dr. Currant also agreed to undergo a cutting edge laser measurement of his brain protein chemistry.  This procedure involved placing fifteen needles through his skull deep into the soft gray matter of his brain, at various places on his skull.  This procedure allowed scientists to capture protein samples in order to measure the speed and path of cranial synapses, in real time.  Results of these tests offer empirical proof that Dr. Currant is the oldest living human being ever to walk this Earth!”

Attorney Simmons: “Astounding…  He is an amazing man!”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Furthermore, concerning the paper trail of his life, our document research team discovered that back in 1880 fire destroyed all student records at a record keeping facility adjacent to Harvard College of Medicine, in Cambridge Massachusetts. However, Dr. Currant’s graduation picture does appear in private copies of the Harvard Medical School yearbook, dated June 1876. In addition, microfiche records confirm Dr. Currant first applied for and received a license to practice medicine in the state of Texas one hundred and twenty seven years ago, in the year 1877.”

Attorney Simmons: “Sounds to me like Dr. Currant has been telling this Court the truth all along.”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Furthermore, despite the poor quality of that yearbook picture, that picture absolutely confirms he is who he says he is.”

Attorney Simmons: “Please explain to this Court how that picture confirms that the defendant, Dr. Currant, is indeed as old as he claims to be?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Using innovative facial recognition software developed by the CIA Counterterrorism Task Force, technicians were able to scan the yearbook picture, measure key facial biometrics, and then compare those results to a recent photo scan of Dr. Currant.  Since some facial nodal measurements never change over a person’s entire lifetime, the results offer a high confidence factor of verification.  The result we found closely resembles the current physiognomy of Dr. Currant, only he appears somewhat younger in person.”

Attorney Simmons: “That fact makes the defendant the oldest man on earth.”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “It would appear so…”

Attorney Simmons: “Did you discern how such a thing is possible?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “We don’t know how he has managed to slow down the normal aging process. Based on statements made by the defendant, statements we took great pains to confirm, my team postulates Dr. Currant has been ingesting a variant of his life extending elixir for as long as a century before he married his wife, Carol.”

Attorney Simmons: “Did you in fact learn how Dr. Currant came to discover this life extending elixir in the first place?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Dr. Currant told investigators that at the age of sixteen, while climbing a tree one day, a swarm of bees attacked him. Subsequently, he was stung many times about his head and face. That is when he fractured his right leg in a fall from that tree. In addition, after he hit the ground, the hive fell directly onto and over his head. Furthermore, he claims the effects of this resultant sudden overdose of bee venom was so instantly intense, he became delirious. During this delirium, he claims a vision of a giant Kafkaesque bee appeared to him and told him he was going to die, unless he immediately ate handfuls of live bees. Accordingly, he did just that.”

Attorney Simmons: “Are you saying Dr. Currant discovered a remedy for death?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “On that specific issue, I do not know what to think. Judging by its success, his concoction enjoys notable merit. His discovery of an age defying elixir became eerily apparent after all-embracing interviews with a blue ribbon panel of researchers, including psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists, and a team of world class geriatricians, both civilian and military. Each of these specialists performed a cornucopia of tests, including a battery of multiple lie detector test sessions conducted by various independent governmental law enforcement personnel. A string of medicos performed CAT scans, PET scans, Magnetic Imaging Resonance, and other more esoteric tests, with Dr. Currants full written permission. The experts unanimously concur, Dr. Currant is telling the truth about his chronological age.”

Attorney Simmons: “The defendant testified he married a woman much younger then he was. Is it your opinion Dr. Currant recklessly used Decollate Apiarian to extend the life of his beloved wife?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “What happened and why is speculative. We know Dr. Currant not only assisted at his wife’s birth, we are certain he administered his life extending formulary for the first time to her as a newborn infant, with the signed consent of her mother, and then again at least twice more during her lifetime. By his own admission, Dr. Currant administered this formulary to his wife on their honeymoon.”

Attorney Simmons: “Tell us more about the fatal dose. Who administered it?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “The fatal dose was administered in the moments immediately before Carol Currant’s death. Science cannot prove who administered that dose on that occasion. Dr. Currant steadfastly denies he administered that fatal injection to his wife. It is a detail modern science cannot prove or disprove.”

Attorney Simmons: “Let me get this litany of strange facts straight in my mind. You say Dr. Currant is telling the truth about his age. Is it plausible, if not entirely possible, after Carol Currant learned of the viability of this drug; she became jealous of her husband’s remarkable longevity and willfully self-administered this drug upon her person, against Dr. Currant’s advice, with hopes she too would live a longer life?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “What you say is possible. In my professional opinion, Dr. Currant exercised extensive psychological control over his wife, literally from cradle to grave. The man possesses an intense type ‘A’ personality classification, with Svengali like overtones. A person like that is able to do anything to their willing and subservient charge, especially in the name of love.”

  “My investigation also took a in depth close look at patient death records at Dr. Currant’s other medical practices, althought we did not start out to investigate multiple murders in this case, we did end our investigation by doing a thorough audit.  By the way, our numbers differ greatly from the numbers first reported by the District Attorney.  We calculated Dr. Currant’s overall patient death rate was or is, 37 percent, not 63 percent as the District Attorney would have it.  This number encompasses all the deaths of patients across Dr. Currant diverse medical practice, including his obstetrics practice, his public free clinic, and his charity hospice, during the decade following the death of his wife.”

Attorney Simmons: “Is that percentage high or low? How do you interpret that statistic?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “Oddly, while that number seems high to the casual observer, the death rate at the hospice for terminally ill cancer patients was, or is, only 85 percent. Keep in mind, a cancer hospice is a place where 100 percent of the patients ordinarily go to die 100% of the time. Miraculously, 15 percent of the terminally ill cancer patients in residence at the hospice are still alive, some living many years beyond any normal expectation of death. When you do the math, the implications are incredible.”

Attorney Simmons: “Indeed!  Is it your testimony Dr. Currant did not kill his wife?”

Witness: Detective Farouche: “My detailed report to the District Attorney clearly states my professional conclusion there is no way to prove or disprove the charge that Dr. Currant killed his wife, through negligence or otherwise.  I personally informed the District Attorney modern science cannot prove who administered the fatal dose to the deceased. He must have forgotten our conversation.”

Attorney Simmons: “I thank you for your testimony, Detective.  Your honor, in view of the testimony of the State’s expert investigator, the defense moves for a directed verdict in this case.”


  The case against Dr. Currant was weak. The State of Texas could not overlook the fact Carol Currant died of an undiagnosed heart condition. Despite prosecutorial speculation concerning illegal human drug research being performed on dying patients at the cancer hospice, Dr. Currant was set free.

  The testimony of Detective Farouche was decisive. At the end of three days of acrimonious testimony, Judge Perkins immediately ruled the State of Texas did not meet the burden of proof required to prove the single charge of negligent homicide against Dr. Currant in the death of his wife Carol Currant. All charges against Dr. Currant were dismissed.

17:00: Court adjourned ** End of Proceedings **

  On the following Monday morning, Judge Perkins made a point to pursue an administrative reprimand against District A,ttorney Wilson for intentional prosecutorial misconduct and professional malfeasance, personally referring his actions to the Texas State Board of Prosecutorial Review.

  Six months later, at another hearing closed to the public, investigators revealed the fact that deceased cancer patient, Shirley Falconet, was a long time family friend and high school former schoolmate of District Attorney Wilson’s grandmother, Mrs. Effie Mae Ward. Both patient Shirley Falconet and Mrs. Effie Mae Ward were among the advanced cancer patients who died in the decade following the death of Carol Currant, while in residence at the charity hospice once owned and operated by Dr. Currant.

  At the conclusion of the hearing, Administrative Law Judge Willis Curdle determined District Attorney Wilson intentionally broke the law when he deliberately withheld pertinent pretrial facts from the Court and from the defendant’s council, in direct violation of the defendant’s right to discovery of all evidence against him. The State of Texas disbarred attorney Gary Wilson from the future practice of law.

  Unable to secure medical malpractice insurance at 159 years of age, Dr. Currant resigned his position as Tarrant County Coroner. According to various public records, Dr. Robert Currant disbanded his medical practices, shuttered the cancer hospice, and abandoned his avian lab. Rumors abound that Dr. Currant disappeared into the jungles of South America, on a sabbatical dedicated to uncover more life extending drugs.

  The United States Supreme Court repeatedly declined to take up the issue of defining the limits of state judicial powers. Meanwhile, scientists across the globe believe the bee population on earth is in an irreversible decline due to the devastating unintended consequence of the affects of rampant colony collapse disorder.


Update:  Tagged as the “World’s Oldest Man” and credited with “Finding A Remedy for Death”, Dr. Currant did not remain a private citizen for long.  The unfortunate appellation became a magnet for unwanted celebrity and unceasing invasions of privacy by photo hungry paparazzi.  Unable to remain in seclusion, Dr. Currant could not escape the curiosity of the world. 

  Drawn into the public eye in late 2011, Dr. Currant found himself in caught in a never-ending vortex of controversy after he was arrested on the warm sands of Hopkins Beach near Belize City, Belize, Central America, on the simultaneous misdemeanor charges of “Public Drunk” and “Public Nudity” after a local Constable apprehended the world’s oldest human “Acting Like A Drunken Fool.”

  The charge was eventually upgraded to “Intoxication by Narcotics” with a punitive charge of “Manufacturing Narcotics” later appended to the charge sheet after investigators working for the Prime Minister of Belize discovered the infamous Dr. Currant allegedly tried to force a female guest at the party to drink a cup of hot steaming tea containing a “A Sweet Smelling Thick Yellowy Medicinal Concoction”, early one morning.  Under house arrest for a more than a year, authorities unceremoniously released Dr.  Currant from detention, dismissing all charges after lawyers paid a huge mutually agreed upon fine, all in cash. 

  Dr. Currant once again disappeared into the jungles of Central America.  Two months later, a missing female tourist was found buried head first in a remote area.  The recovered body contained no internal organs.  The unsolved case is under investigation.