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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Don’t Exaggerate

I’ve become the real-life,
Rainman.
At home and even at work.
My friends and family,
Have taken to calling me
“Raymond”.
You always do the same thing,
You always order the same food,
I’ve become a real joke.
I’ll scan the menu,
For ten minutes,
Front to back,
Then order beef korma…
Again.
I always order beef korma,
And Reuben sandwiches
with coleslaw.
And if you say:
”You’re exaggerating!”
I’ll say,
“If I told you once,
I’ve told you a hundred-million times,
I don’t exaggerate!!!”
Every time,
Without fail.
Now my middle daughter,
The mischievous one,
Has taken to baiting me,
She’ll tell her brother and sister,
Watch this, I’ll say,
‘I think I’ll have the Caesar salad’,
And Bob will say (my kids call me Bob),
Bob will say:
“I’ve come not to praise Caesar,
but to eat his salad!”,
And I do.
And they all get a good laugh,
And I get a good laugh,
And my wife sighs,
And shakes her head.

And then my daughter,
Orders the grilled chicken club,
Just like she always does.