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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Eternal Haven

Category: Life Winners, Issue 4
In the white winter coat of frost and silence, I am nothing. Nothing else seems what it is, and I let myself get lost in the strange world that has taken over the somehow familiar landscape. Winter has frozen me in ways I cannot begin to understand. I go through my daily routine hardly aware of my surroundings, numb to the world, barely awake.

Yet I have come to find that I have retreated deep inside of me, where a fire is burning and the room is cozy; there is hot chocolate there, and books and drawing pads, and the ideas seem to flow and linger, as if afraid to wander into the deepness of the cold, cold night witnessed only by the staring moon and stars.

Secure in the deepness of my haven, time stands still. The restraints of hours and days do not exist here; to be creative is to be eternal. I become oblivious to the world I once lived in, as it was to me when I was there. Lost in my magical world, I do not see the seasons change, I do not hear the calls of rally, I do not feel old age creep in. I am at home in the only world I know, the only one where a map would get me lost, where eccentricity is the norm.

Somewhere from the deepness of a conscience I have forgotten, murmurs of feelings past sometimes drift in. They beckon and confuse, threaten to break my concentration, to shatter my shelter; they claim I am suspended, that life has passed me by. They sometimes are so convincing that I look out through the window of my mind, and in that instant, I seem to see the outside world as I have never seen it before. The frost on the window slowly retreats, and the clouds slowly part to reveal a timid ray of sunlight. In that pristine light, the melting snow becomes so bright that the little universe I have retreated to suddenly seems faded and confining.

The air is stuffy, I am suffocating, the walls cave in, I feel the urge to unlock the window, push it open, breathe...

The freezing wind blows in and with it, a flurry of snowflakes invades the room. The fire dances and raises high as if protesting against this sudden attack of the cold. The outside world was not as it seemed; the night has returned, seems even darker than before. The elements of this icy planet slowly numb my soul. I use the last of my strength to pull the window panes, and, panting, contemplate what I have almost lost...

In the white winter coat of frost and silence, I am nothing. Nothing else seems what it is, and I let myself get lost in the strange world that has taken over the somehow familiar landscape...