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Friday, January 18, 2008
Insurance
Category: Issue 12This is what happened when I called my car insurance company recently:
Insurance Lady: Can I help you?
Me: Hi, my car insurance is up for renewal soon, but my car was in such bad shape that I sold it to a junkyard. It will be a month or two before I can get another car, so I will call you and get insurance again when I have a new car.
IL: If you have a break in your coverage, you will lose your discount for having insurance for the last three years.
Me: Huh?
IL: When you got your policy you got a discount for having continuous coverage for at least three years. If you don’t have coverage for a while, then you lose your discount.
Me: Well, there’s no point I having coverage when I don’t have a car.
IL: You have to have continuous coverage to get the discount.
Me: I had continuous coverage because I had a car. I don’t have a car now.
IL: You’ll lose your discount if you don’t have continuous coverage for at least three years.
Me: My car was just sitting there. It wasn’t safe to drive. I sold it partly so I could save the insurance money for a new car.
IL: Your renewal is due in three days.
Me: I don’t need car insurance now. I don’t have a car.
IL: We could issue a “non owner” policy.
Me: What’s that?
IL: A policy for non owners.
Me: A car insurance policy for someone who does not own a car.
IL: Yes.
Me: So I would have coverage on a non existent car.
IL: It would continue your continuous coverage.
Me: And how much is a “non-owner” policy?
IL: Let’s see…(sound of computer keyboard in use) That would be sixty five dollars less than your regular policy.
Me: Sixty five dollars.
IL: Correct.
Me: Your company will take sixty five dollars off my car insurance policy because I don’t have a car.
IL: Yes.
Me: Sixty five dollars off means you will charge me almost three hundred dollars to insure a car that I don’t have.
IL: And keep your coverage continuous.
Me: Can I make a claim?
IL: Excuse me?
Me: On my nonexistent car. What if I’m not driving my non-car in heavy traffic, and some idiot in another non-car smashes into my non-bumper from behind. Can I make a claim?
IL: I don’t understand.
Me: If I’m paying three hundred dollars to insure a car that I don’t have, I want to make sure I will be covered f I have an accident.
IL: The “non-owner” policy will continue your coverage.
Me: What if I want to sue? What if I call one of those lawyers who advertise on TV that they can get more money from the insurance company? How would my case turn out it if I sued for more money under my “non-owner” policy that covers my non-car? Would I be rich? Could I retire early all because I kept my coverage continuous and paid you money I can’t afford to insure a car I don’t have?
IL: Do you want us to issue a “non-owner” policy?
Me: I guess. I don’t want to lose the policy.
IL: Since you’re renewal is due in three days, you would have to pay full price, then we’ll adjust it later.
Me: Oh, I have to pay full price to cover a non-car, and you will graciously take sixty five dollars off later because I’m a non owner of the non-car.
IL: Correct.
Are you familiar with the term “Insurance scam?”
IL: Yes.
Me: Well, it’s missing the words “is” and “a”.
IL: Excuse me?
Me: Insurance IS A scam!
So now I don’t have car insurance to cover the car I don’t have, and when I get a new car, the insurance will cost more because I didn’t insure the car I didn’t have. I want to start an insurance company.
Author’s note: This was written in 2002, so the amount of the policy is less than it would be now.
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