Sunday, August 07, 2011

Iran’s New Lethal Weapon Is a Gas

Category: Humor/Satire

NO3 Laughing Gas Bomb Makes Death Fun

In a startling development aimed against all humanity, Iranian terrorist dictator Mahmud Ahmadinejad, the middle-eastern clown prince head of state, disclosed to the world Iran is in the final stages of perfecting a fifth generation, environmentally safe, NO3 based death delivery system.

“This weapon is the ‘be all – end all’ of modern warfare,” the insane president of Iran declared. “The non-Islamic world wrongly thinks we are manufacturing radioactive contaminates for bombs that go boom. Fools! The Iranian people would never do such a horrible thing. Allah has provided a new way to die. Our capable scientists have invented a more efficient means of exterminating infidels. This weapon turns death into a pleasant experience without the usual fear, worry, and psychological trauma, associated with more violent means of dying.”

Unnamed sources close to the dictator claim the deadly “Laughing Gas Bomb” as it has become known, emits an invisible cloud of Nitrous Oxide (NO3) Gas, along with a continuous wave of synthetic laughter accompanied by endless Grateful Dead music.

“The precursor to death is similar to a sit-com laugh track.” claimed one high level whistle blower. ”This weapon induces so much euphoria in the human spirit; victims unwittingly laugh, have fun, and dance themselves to death.”

“All things considered, laughter masks pain.” declared Rush Limbaugh on his radio talk show. “The concept of laughter as a pain killer is not radical.” the rotund star bellowed. “Think of it. This weapon is economical, strategically feasible, and easy to deploy on mindless western audiences, not unlike those suffers who listen to my show,” joked the recently rehabilitated media personality.

“With this gas, Iran will become the only safe haven in the world, since the Ayatollah has declared it is against holy Iranian law to laugh. This invention is tourist marketing genius at its best.”

American scientists were not amused, claiming the technology is not new.

“Those bastards stole our idea,” declared the ghost of theoretical physicist Albert Einstein, a special spoof guest persona on Rush Limbaugh’s new comedy call in program.

“For Christ’s sake, America military experts studied and then rejected this idea decades ago, favoring the mathematical certainty of wide-area radiation over the uncertainty of hit or miss inhalation.”

“To be sure, the nuclear age will be the last age of humanity.”