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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

My spray paint

They told me to read the Book.  They told me to follow the rules.  They told me to have faith and what to have faith in.  They told me to listen to my heart.  They told me God was in there.  They told me what was right and wrong.  They told me how we found out.  I believed them for a spell, but my belief was a ruse, even to myself.  They told me not to stray, not to look away, and I tried, but my head turned of its own accord.  I looked away and I saw writing on the wall.  This is what it said:

1. Thou shalt break these commandments when thou hast prepared to suffer the natural consequences and learn good and evil for thyself.

2. Thou shalt not claim absolute knowledge of anything, for absolute knowledge is not a part of human experience.

3. Thou shalt not shame, for good and evil are personal distinctions; each person hath two lists and no act is on the same list for all.

4. Thou shalt not lead, for everyone erreth, and the suffering thus produced in thy followers decayeth thy soul.

5. Thou shalt not follow blindly; readest thou again the first commandment that thou mayest understand.

I listened and watched as others were led down the same path.  I turned, I fled, and I hit that wall, and it broke, and the writing was destroyed.  Now I have this can of spray paint and this sense of obligation.  They tell me the wall was good, that it kept us safe - that I would have been safe too.  They tell me to rebuild it, and it tempts me.  I’ve left the can of spray paint out, but I don’t know or care where the bricks and mortar are.