Friday, November 24, 2006

Suzy Blue Eyes

Category: Humor Winners, Issue 4

Suzy Blue Eyes
By Maureen Wilkinson

Alan sank into the armchair with a grateful sigh. He might just have time to read the sports page of the newspaper before the kids came home. He’d only managed a few paragraphs before he felt his eyelids drooping. Perhaps a little snooze might be good, he thought.

‘What’s this Dad?’ The voice of his son, Josh, interrupted his dream just as he was taking a penalty for Man United

Alan opened one eye and immediately felt the hair stand on the back of his neck. He looked at the long piece of pink plastic draped over his ten year old son’s arm.

‘Where’d you find that?’ he said.

‘At the back of Kevin’s wardrobe.’  Josh laid the pink plastic out on the living room floor and stepped back.

Alan felt sweat break along his forehead. ‘What were you doing in Kevin’s wardrobe?’ he said, thinking he might well kill his seventeen year old for bringing it into the house.

‘I was looking for something. What is it then?’

‘Oh really, and what were you looking for in your brother’s room?’ Alan didn’t really care, but the question temporarily put off the moment of explanation and allowed him to marshal his thoughts.

The thing lay sickly and pink, staring up at the ceiling with a round-mouthed delighted smile. Alan purposefully averted his gaze back to the dark-haired boy in front of him. Alan recognised Josh’s shifty look and knew he was about to lie.

‘I thought I heard a mouse, Dad. I thought I’d better catch it before Mum got home. She’s scared of mice.’

Nice try son. Alan felt a momentary stab of admiration at the quick response. ‘You know Kevin’s room is out of bounds, don’t you? Mouse or no mouse, you shouldn’t have been in there. – Did you catch it then?’


‘The mouse, did you catch it?’

‘No, it got away -but you haven’t told me what that is.’ Josh pointed a dirty finger at the plastic on the floor.

‘Just look at your filthy hands, go and wash them immediately. Your mother will skin you alive if she sees them.’

‘But, Dad…’

‘Now, this minute!’

Josh turned on his heel and flew out through the door.

Alan turned his attention back to the plastic. The painted blue eyes stared at him provocatively, Alan stared back unsure what to do. Should he roll it up and get Josh to put it back where he found it or should he make an issue of it. He wished his wife Margaret was there. She was good at dealing with these sorts of things. He bent and took hold of the dolls arm. The plastic clung to his fingers in the sticky way shiny plastic does. Images flashed through his head and he blinked them away. Keep your mind on the problem at hand Alan. What are you going to do with it!‘What’s it for then, Dad?’

Shit, he’s back already! ‘It isn’t for anything, it’s a doll,’ Alan said, desperation creeping into his tone.

‘Get real, Dad, what would Kevin want with a doll? Besides it’s flat.’ Disbelief was written clearly on Josh’s face as he moved forward for a closer look. ‘What’s that sticking out of the back of it?’

‘How should I know? Look that’s enough questions from you, my lad. Get yourself upstairs and do your homework,’ Alan said grimly.

‘I’ve done it - It’s a bladder to blow in, isn’t it?’  The light of recognition appeared on the boy’s face.  Oh, God, he’s going to put a name to it! Alan felt himself cringe. ‘I know what it is, Dad, it’s a blow up doll.’

Oh, Shit, was he going to tell one of his mates, or mention it to an older boy in school? Someone who’d explain what it was for - in graphic detail. Would that sort of information damage Josh psychologically?  He might grow up thinking his brother was a pervert. Why is Margaret taking so long shopping for Christ sake!

There was a sound from the hall and Kevin appeared in the open doorway. His eyes narrowed and his face darkened as he saw the limp doll hanging from Alan’s fingers.

‘Who’s been in my room?’ he said, looking straight at Josh.

‘I was, er – I was looking for a mouse.’ Josh stuttered. He edged behind his father for safety

‘So you had to take that out of the packet to find the mouse, did you?’ growled Kevin

‘No, I just wondered what it was, that’s all.. It just said Suzy Blue Eyes on the packet. What’s it for?’

‘It’s a joke for my mate Tom’s birthday and I’ll break your fingers if you ever touch my things again. Do you understand that, Runt?’ said Kevin. He snatched the doll from Alan’s limp hand.

‘Yes - but what’s it for?’ insisted Josh.

‘Sex,’ Kevin said as he tried tried to refold the doll into its original position.

‘Oh, that – Cool - what time’s tea, Dad?’

Alan dropped back in his chair and let out his breath. ‘Whenever your mother gets home, I expect,’ he said faintly.

Posted by littlewhitewolf on 11/24 at 01:02 PM | Permalink
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