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Monday, September 26, 2005

The Boy

Watching the boy watching the tube oblivious & blissful to absolute Nirvana in undestroyed mind wandering from thought to thought like bouncing ship in bright blue sea…

        “Dad how do you spell lellow & let’s sing a song & watch cartoons…can I have popcorn & brownies & stay up late & remember yesterday..Lalalalalala…BARNEY IS NOT MEAN & NAW HE DON’T EAT NO KIDS…Telling Mommee…”

His brain staggers from scene to scene like an early morning drunk after rock hard binge happy and ignorant of others stares and morals only caring about keeping this impenetrable happiness buzz. Takes his shirt off when hot & letting belly hang out w/out slightest care of what anyone might think…
       
        ‘…’I’m gonna’ pat my belly rat-tat-tat & stick my tummy out & run run run run & leave my toys here & plant them there & eat eat eat whatever I want cuz it tastes sooooo gooood & then when I get up we’re gonna’ get Chucky Ch…’ “Dad?” puzzled look “Are we gonna’ get P-ee-ah, P-ee-ah today…I want Pizza…I Want PIZZA…’

Raises arms in tilt-a-whirl shrug & goes back to games forgetting where he was to start with & gets up & runs to other room like a house cat stopping at second pile of toys. God what it was like to not worry about how you look or how uncomfortable you feel or what anyone else ever thinks about you, man…

Later hours drinking a beer as the game does its multi-billion dollar testosterone dance on the tube, all is quiet & serene but somehow empty. Toys strewn as foot obstacles & hollow temples left in homage to the boy’s wake sit quietly, waiting for noisy cartoon breakfast morning, but I, I cannot wait. Genuflection is for those that carry time in their pockets like loose change passed from generation to generation. I’ve got to know now how he is. Tiptoeing in w/ shadow’s cast amidst pillowy dreams, I see the smile on his face…

That’s what it’s like to find heaven or Nirvana or hell or Mecca or whatever your peccadillo is. It’s not the obliviousness or the beauty or the simplicity of the joy of live & let live, it’s all that plus whatever it is that can make you sleep like the boy, with no remorse. Whatever it takes to make you not sweat about waking up to face one more day…

Since I can no longer find bliss in zzz’s I just watch him do it effortlessly in his happy sheep like smile. I hope he never loses his ability to sleep…