To our Mandarin brethren and sistren (?) and all other members out there in litmock world. Hope the holidays treated you well, or, at least, that you survived them. Playing Santa Clause (AKA Kris Kringle, the G-Mac $ pimp) has put me in deeper debt than the American Congress. And if I have to eat even one more cookie, so help me, I`ll explode quicker than Newt Gingrich on a debate host.

Anywho, now that all the eXessmass cripe is out the way, we can get onto more serious business, like dealing with the fricking cold that dominates the dead of winter and continuing to make changes to try and improve this here place.

But first, a few notices from the conscience police. I`d like to touch on some issues that affect all writers, anyone who uses the Internet, anyone in search of truth, and anyone forced to pay taxes. Let`s start with SOPA, PIPA, and some other legislation aimed at taking away even more freedom, specifically freedom of speech. My agent forwarded me an excellent piece by a fellow writer, Michael Connelly. I have pasted it below.

`I have posted an new Legislative Alert on my blog. It deals with five important pieces of legislation pending in Congress… the board of the Constitutional Law Alliance (CLA) feels that it is imperative that copies of the booklet, “Our Constitution” be immediately distributed as widely as possible. A single copy is only $6.00 and we are
encouraging people to order at least three copies so they can keep one, give out two others to friends or relatives, and then encourage them to order at least three more copies to distribute. If everyone who reads my blog and/or listens to my radio
show does this, we can have thousands of copies distributed in just a matter of weeks. Go to the CLA website to read a review of the booklet by renowned radio talk show host Kevin Lehmann and to get ordering information.`

These links provide excellent information on the underhanded, fascist nature of this proposed legislation, which, thanks to grassroots efforts by many people and organizations like Wikipedia, have been shot down for now. FOR NOW, I repeat, for those who are hearing impaired (What??? I can`t hear you, it`s too dark in here). Suffice it to say, this legislation has only been slowed. We must be vigilant and proactive if we are truly to defeat this evil nemesis, the thieves of freedom. I`m sure more legislation is underway as you read this, so stay alert.

Also, here at Litmocracy, we are trying to do our best to improve the world and restore freedom, not just to improve this site. To that end, we have designed Form CO69, a proposed amendment to the tax code that would allow conscientious objectors to abstain from paying taxes that go towards killing people, dominating other countries, and general looting. Shortly, we wish to adopt a contest here that will pay $100 to the winner. That contest will revolve around whomever best gets this proposed document in front of elected officials and reports their reactions. We expect them to be worthy. Currently, I`d like ideas on how to best run this contest because I want it to be fair, easy, and I want someone to win big! So answer away below, we`ll all kick it around and then commence a very lucrative contest!

In the next few days, I`ll post the actual mock up of the form here on the site so everyone can see it, make comments and so forth. We`ll be issuing some press releases and doing some other online stuff as well, so any suggestions will be helpful.

As for the site, we`d like to make some changes with Literal Translations. It looks like we want to do a once a year e-book with all winners instead of a quarterly. I am on the fence on the matter, and would appreciate ideas. What I want to do, though, is take 2 or 3 of those winners per quarter and make animations out of them, be they a poem, short story, or catching non-fiction piece. How cool will it be to see your work become an animation, eh? And you get paid for it to boot. So keep posting and let me know what you think.

Till next time,

Au Revoir

To all of our polish denizens, and hello to the rest of you!

Hope all is well. All is going swimmingly here, but then, it usually is when you’re lost at sea! Oi, so we have some news, and no election crap today. First and foremost, Literal Translations is finally ready to be ordered. Sheesh. Did that take awhile. Some people just can’t seem to get it together. Don’t know what to say. Like the mighty politicians in this country, I’ll shift the blame to someone else, and take the credit for the final work, which is mighty fine.

And not because of the wonderful pieces chosen for the quarterly or because of the loverly artwork that adorns it. No, no, no, simply because I delegate the right to announce its publication here in this newsletter to myself.

Yep, mememe. Seriously, it is an excellent issue. I can’t wait to get mine. You can order your copy here, and we’ll get it to you as soon as we can!

We’ve been happy to see lately, some excellent posts and some great new members. I’m looking forward to reading and interacting more than ever. Nothing like working with and reading work by other great, motivated writers. I’d like to welcome some newbies while I’m at it:

jackdcosta56
imagewear
calgarynewhomes
apaley
jpoole44
VISHNU CR
bobteens23
franklinduharty5
KerouacsKouisin
Doglover

There have been some excellent posts already by jpoole44 and KerouacsKousin. Looking forward to more. I’m a huge fan of the Beats myself. Expecting great things from you kin of Ti jean!

Also, we’d like to announce a new book that will be available from Litmocracy Publications in January, called No Bullshit by John Wargo, one of the top sales people at Quicken Loans. The book is an excellent piece on successful sales strategies, and has some comments from some of the most successful sales people in the country. But I’ll post more on this later.

We’ll have a page for the book here on the new re-vamped site, which we’re working on now. In the meantime, I hope all of you are having a wonderful Holiday Season, whatever Holiday you might be celebrating. Me, I’m celebrating Independence Day, but then, I do that every day.

Until next time,

Don

I hope all is well. Seems like yesterday I was toasting the New year and here we are again. Almost. But there’s still a little time left before the XMAS bills pile up higher than the national deficit to warm the old Holiday Spirit. Nothing like Christmas cheer, except Christmas bills. Ho Ho Ho. Nothing warms the old inner child like being so deep in debt that you’ll be paying for your kids XBOX when they have grand kids. I spose being in debt has replaced the Christmas spirit, and in that case, Uncle Sam really has become Santa Clause. We now own bombs we’ll never be able to pay for! I wonder if we can pay the 14 trillion dollars off with an easy to pay installment plan. We could make monthly minimum payments for centuries.

Anywho, plenty of our Litmockians have been busy working, pecking away at the dinosaur known as the publishing industry, a dinosaur that doesn’t see the comet coming. Ask Borders. So this week I’d like to shed the light on some excellent efforts by some of our esteemed brethren (...and sistren(?)).

Our good friend, writer, thespian, filmmaker and President of El Lupo Films, Dean M. Drinkel, has a new project coming out in December on both sides of the pond, it’s called Phobophobia and is avaialble from www.darkcontinents.com

Also, it being Vets Day here in the States, our good friend Prometheus has an excellent cause he’s working on for many deserving Vets: War Vets Suffering from PTSD Need Protection. Should PTSD disabled vets be protected under the Americans with Disability Act?If yes, why does the Department of Justice (DOJ) refuse to step in against the State Of New Jersey. Nine years is a long time to refuse a PTSD vet plaintiff justice.. http://www.causes.com/causes/488457-ptsd-disabled-vets-should-be-protected-under-the-federal-americans-with-disability-act/welcome

Our old friend Mikael Covey has his ltmag, aptly named Lit Up Magazine, still working. here is his latest excellent compilation: http://litupmagazine.wordpress.com/

My literary agent, Al Longden, has these news tidbits to pass on as well:

I’m excited to announce that “Storm Country,” an anthology of short stories, prose and poetry, is now available through Mozark Press. The Missouri Writers Guild, in conjunction with their Joplin chapter, assembled “Storm Country” from works selected from writers across the Midwest. The purpose of this project is to assist the Joplin Public School system in their effort to replenish libraries destroyed by the recent tornado. I’m also excited to announce one of my stories, “It Rained” is included in the anthology.  A link to purchase “Storm Country” is included below. The cost is $10.00 with proceeds going to assist the Joplin School system.
https://www.createspace.com/3707021

Also, he let me know that Untreed Reads is looking for submissions in regards to Holiday stories> Here are the details:

Untreed Reads is announcing an open call for short stories for our holiday season.
Please note the following:

1. The holidays we are interested in are Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and New Year’s. We are looking for Hanukkah and Kwanzaa stories in particular.
2. Short stories may be in any genre (except religious, erotica, children’s or anything above a PG-13 romance), but must encompass one of the holidays listed above.
3. The short stories will NOT be in an anthology, but rather published as stand-alone stories. All will receive our standard short story line covers.
4. Previously published material is fine providing electronic rights have reverted to the author.
5. Stories may not be shorter than 1500 words or longer than 5000.
6. Deadline for Thanksgiving submissions is October 31, 2011. Christmas, Kwanzaa and Hanukkah is November 15th. New Year’s is November 30th. Submissions received after these dates will not be considered.
7. For this call, we can only accept works where we can be granted worldwide English rights.
8. This is an open call, and may be reposted and resubmitted everywhere.

All submissions should be sent to Jay Hartman, Editor-in-Chief, at jhartman@untreedreads.com. Submissions should be in Times New Roman, 12pt and DOC format attachment. Submissions may NOT be submitted as either PDF or in the body of an email. Stories sent in that manner will not be considered. Please indicate the holiday in your subject line in the format: HOLIDAY: NAME OF STORY.

Once we have selected our stories for the season, all authors will be notified as to the final status of their submitted manuscript.

For any questions regarding this call, please direct them to Jay Hartman at jhartman@untreedreads.com.

Whale, that should do it for this week. Guess it’s back to crunching XMas bills. Until next time.

Don

Hope all is well with everyone. I’m like, one quarter of 1/16th Sioux or something. Actually I’m more than that but really I’m just a mutt like most people in this world. It works for me. Seems the cold months are coming upon us in the Western Hemisphere, and personally, I’ve had enough rain this year. If I wanted to move to London, I’d get a Visa. Or a Mastercard. I think they take Mastercard over there. Speaking of which, hello to Dean Drinkel and all of our British friends. I think we stole your fog and rain here in the Mid Atlantic. I don’t buy the ice cap melting stuff, but wow, it has been a wet year. My garden drowned and Noah stopped by to see if I could lend him a bunny for his impending trip.

Lots going on aside from bad weather though. Now that Star’s pregnant, I know more about baby birthing than I ever thought I’d need to know. I’m not sure if I buy this pregnant women shouldn’t clean the cat litter box thing. I think that it’s just some elaborate plot to ensure that I maintain the kitty feces, but whatever. We all have chores I suppose. Speaking of which, I’ve started a new book just to enjoy writing something once again. Calling it Project Drop Out, and it’s an anti-taxation fiction/philosophical piece that I’ll be getting help from Dave with. Will likely take a long time, as most books do, but it’s nice to be writing something just for the fun of it again. Many irons in the fire that are coming out in the next few years, but only one of those, Down For the Count, was a pure exercise of love. I missed it.

And I’ve noticed many of you posting. I rather like it. I have over 1300 brain points and haven’t posted much new myself, just been voting on some good work that’s been posted routinely. Bob Dylan And Mw Take A Road Trip by 2060Beat and some of Prometheus and Green Fingered Skinner’s pieces have really caught my eye. I hope you all read, vote on and enjoy them. They’re great think pieces. I love being made to think. Is why I hate governments, they’d rather we not think.

Speaking of writing and prizes, Prometheus has won the $50 prize and Green Fingered Skinner has won one of the $12.50 prizes, but there’s still money to be won. If you write 7 posts and collect 200 Brain Points you can still win $25, and there’s one $12.50 prize left for the next person to send me a print screen proving they gained 150 brain points. I also have 6 people who have contacted me who are interested in writing pieces for PAC’s Pro Sports Athletes Magazine, and I will be sending them all something to work on here shortly. Looking for 5 or 6 more talented writers seeking to get involved. All you have to do is email me and let me see some of your posts. In the mean time, write, vote, post and read.

Until next time,

Don

Not sure how many Hungarian friends we have out there, but what the hail, hello to them and to you to. Or to you. If you’re them that is. Right-O. On to some news.

We have a pretty sporty opportunity (pun intended, and why not, it’s like 6 a.m. and my brain is not yet properly wired with coffee) for all you wonderful aspiring and even accomplished writers out there in Litmock land. Former Indianapolis Colt and Seattle Seahawk Michael Barber has founded a sports magazine devised exclusively for professional athletes. With help from myself and Dave, along with others, Mike has founded an organization called PAC (Pro Athletes Counsel), which is a fraternity of pro athletes, including the likes of Albert Haynesworth, Jason Campbell, and dozens of other MLB, NFL, NHL, NBA and NASCAR athletes. This organization allows the athletes to operate as a business entity, as they do while they are still protected by their respective pro sport. While playing in the NFL, for example, the NFL goes to great lengths to protect these athletes financially, providing advice, business seminars, networking opportunities and so forth. When their playing days end, so does their entrance into this fraternity. It’s why so many athletes who make millions of dollars go broke when their career ends. PAC helps fill that void by providing the same protection and fraternity to the athletes after they retire. It’s quite a wonderful concept. I was lucky enough to go to the SuperBowl a few years ago in Tampa to attend the kick-off party with Mike along with Vibe Magazine and the Pro-Sports Wives Association.

Was quite a trip. I even remember some of it, but that’s another story for another time. Unfortunately, the Steelers beat the Cardinals, but whatever. The experience was awesome and the associations made were phenomenal. That’s what PAC does for people. They just happen to be famous, wealthy people. Now Litmocracy can offer a similar opportunity to our writers.

Anywho, to make a long story short, PAC is launching a magazine next July. The first issue is done (I’ll be posting some pics on the main site shortly) but the next for issues need content. That is where our most talented writers come in, if they want the gig. I will be running a contest for our tribe to fill that content, based on story ideas provided by PAC, or by our own talented troop, to fill this magazine. The magazine already has a substantial subscriber list and will be placed in every locker room and press room at every major sporting event in North America. This gives our writers the opportunity to write for pro athletes, to interview athletes, and to notch an excellent credit on their resume. As details unfold, I’ll let you know. We’ll be creating a section of Litmock just for entries in this contest, and will be spreading this contest outside our own walls, so to speak. We’ll be doing some press releases to raise awareness in Litmock based on this opportunity.

For those interested, the earlier you contact me, the better of an edge you will have, as you’ll get more time to create a better piece, and can get feedback early on to improve your entry or entries. So game on it is, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Until next time,

Don

Hope all is well and Labor Day provided no excess labor. Never understood why they call it Labor Day when the whole point is to AVOID work. It’s like calling Memorial Day Forget IT ALL Day or Thanksgiving Ticked off Day. They should name Holidays so that they make more sense. Heretofore, New Years Eve should be Drink Like A Fish Day, as should Cinco De Mayo and St. Patrick’s Day for that matter, and President’s Day (here in the ol’ U.S.A.) should be Celebrate The Slimy Two Faced Liars Day… You should be able to promise anything you want on that day, only if you intend to never honor it.

Speaking of Slimy Two Faced Liars Day, Obama is at it in the background on my TV right now. He must’ve said ‘You must pass this Bill immediately!’ like ten times already. Sounds worse than a used car salesman. ‘Sign right here, don’t read it, NO-NO-NO, I SWEAR there’s nothing in there you could object to. We’ll put money in your pocket, we won’t TAKE it, not at all…’

Whatever. I’m so sick and bored with it, it’s not even funny. He and so many others like him are why we’re where we’re at. He was going to end the war… ANNHHHHH… Not so much. You lose, please try again. Fix the economy. ANNHHHHH… Not so much. You lose, please try again. Bring resolute change and fix America and the world! ANNHHHHH… Not so much. You lose, please try again. Actually, please don’t try again. Sick of the lies.

In this new rant/Presidential Speech, he’s going to: Fix the economy without hurting other economies, bring in new jobs without entering the private sector, importing, exporting, or changing anything, decrease troops abroad while increasing active troops, end the war on terror while making America safe, making sure troops have work but not guns on foreign soil, increase benefits while decreasing taxes while bringing in more money while raising taxes, but only on people who want taxes as he eliminates all taxes from mankind permanently, he’s converting to Christianity, Muslim, Judaism, and the Tiki Tiki wasabe cult (as they have .000000000000000000000000000000000001 percent of the vote in Danville, Virginia, population 37,412), and he promises free pancakes for everyone each and every sixth Monday of the month for those who like pancakes, though he by no means in no way shape or form means any insult to those who enjoy crepes or flapjacks, and promises that he will have the Star Wars saga re-made so Darth Vader is a good guy who just likes flashy space ships, there will be no plot line or story line, the Jedi will simply be happy and content and perform cool lightsaber tricks for no reason whatsoever, and Jar-Jar will be completely eliminated from the story line. I’m for the Jar-Jar elimination stuff, but the rest of it is hollow politico BS he and so many others have shoveled for years, so much so, we’re all numb. So they win.

But this is not a political speech by any means, he swears it, NOOOOOOO, not at all. He’s not saying all this crap RIGHT now as we enter election season because its what people want to hear, though it’s all a lie, simply because he wants to be re-elected. Nope, he woke up last week after a few years in office and JUST now realized, ‘hey, wait, the economy sucks, people are out of work, we’ve robbed them blind and they have no money left and nothing works and no one can afford food or gas. Damn. I better make a speech so all this crap is fixed right away!’

Blow hard.

Okay.

Enough political cripe, onto Litmock stuff. Thanks for all the well wishing for myself and Star on the new Baby, seriously, we appreciate it. We are still running the new contest, have a few people close but no winners. Here are the parameters:

Whoever posts the next 10 posts and has 250 Brain Points will win $50, 7 posts and 200 Brain Points wins $25, and the next 2 people to send me a print screen proving they gained 150 brain points win $12.50 apiece. I posted an example of how to show me your points here. SO let’s get to it. Win some dough!

On an excellent side note, Sonja Herbert (our own frauherbert) has received a publishing contract on a book idea she once posted here. The publishing house is called Cedar Fort in Utah. There is no publication date as of yet and it only has a working title (Cross and Carnival) right now, but we’ll keep you all posted so anyone from Litmocracry can buy a copy when it’s available. I know I will. I’m looking forward to it. If anyone else has news of their prodigious literary efforts, lemme’ know and I’ll pimp it. More news later this week.

Until then, Thank God For Football,

Don

Hope this newsletter finds you well… or at least as well as anyone can be found in this, our dire year 3 of the Obamanation, 2011. Perhaps I am a bit jaded, and I hope that is the case. Maybe your life is humming along peachy keen, and that would be fine by me. I love to hear that Litmock members are doing well. Hell, I love to hear that most anybody is doing well, except for politicians and wastes of airspace like Paris Hilton. No one should be proud that their claim to fame is a rich Daddy and a pocket dog. What’s worse, no one should be proud that they know about someone who is famous because they have a rich Daddy and a pocket dog. And yet I know about this person.

Unfortunately, many people have suffered gravely since the housing bubble exploded like a death star assaulted by a bunch of cute enough to make you puke Ewoks and the banks started bouncing higher than the hollow checks the government wrote. Since then, Big Ben has printed money like it’s paper (HAR! HAR!) and America has been deemed a credit risk by the S&P. We no longer qualify for the no money down, pay as you go, low interest IKEA King sized vibrating bed made of gold, but what are you gonna’ do?

Inside this messed up nation, many of us have struggled as the price of bread and gas has followed Gold’s suit, steadily rising in cost to the point that it’s ludicrous to think many of us can afford it. Personally, this has been a rough year. I have been outsmarted by a squirrel in my first attempt at growing a garden, so much so, Elmer Fudd wouldn’t look me in the eye if he passed me in the street. Apparently, coyote urine is a squirrel aphrodisiac and NOT a squirrel repellant, as the label so fervently promised. Or you’re not supposed to serve the urine to the squirrel with raw oysters and truffles, not sure. It seemed so inhuman to just dump the crap out there amongst the vegetables. Also, I have been struggling with the tidal wave that is now our economy, UP and DOWN, UP and DOWN. I currently have tons of copy work I can’t keep up with that I’m struggling to cover to simply tread water with my bills. It’s killing my brain, my will to live, and is ruining my ability to write, but whatever. I’ve subbed this work out before but it rarely gets finished when I give it to you guys, though I have some available if anyone REALLY wants to do it. Just email me for details.

I’d love to just sit down and write worthwhile stuff for a living again. I miss it. I’d like to make my mark before I go. Speaking of which, there have been some good things this year. Aside from the Sheila Kennedy and Barb Terry books, I have a few more Litmock books to announce in the next year, and I just got a contract on my own story from my wrestling days with the Albert T. Longden Agency. it’s called Down For The Count. I am excited about that.

And on a uniquely Litmockian personal note, Star and I are proud to announce we’re going to have a child. The first baby born of two people who met and fell in love thanks to a combined philosophy shared via Litmocracy. If nothing else, Litmocracy led us to each other, and we are having a child. A demon child to be sure, devilish, smart, and rife with imagination. I can’t wait. I’ve put new wrinkles and gray hair on Lay-Away in anticipation. Buy stock in Zantac and Tums if you’re smart, this baby will be TROUBLE. Yummy. Anywho, we are excited.

As far as Litmock goings go, the response to last month’s 2 contests were awesome. Green Fingered Skinner and Tobias won them respectively, and quickly. The feedback I’ve received says you guys like this posting contest, and between Lit Trans and the contests, we only awarded $150 in prizes last month. Not enough. We want to award $200. So here is the contest for this month:

Whoever posts the next 10 posts and shows me they have 250 Brain Points (which you also get for voting) will win the next $50, 7 posts and 200 Brain Points wins $25, and the next 2 people to send me a print screen proving they gained 150 brain points win $12.50 apiece. Post and vote quick because hustling Litmockians won’t wait around for you to get to it when you feel like it. They’ll win and take the cash.

It’s that easy. Read. Write. Vote. Make suggestions. Improve this place and WIN CASH. Until next time.

Hasta La Vista Amigos!

Don

I’m in a Hari-Kari type mood anyway. This economy is depressing. Bills are depressing. Life is a rotten rut and my garden is burned to a cherryesque pile of cinder and rubbish.

Blah.

Whatever. As they say, I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go. I’m not one to take advice from a bunch of pointy eared male midgets with pick axes that live in a one room shack however. For any of you out there experiencing financial woes like the best of us (or in my case, the worst), just take advantage of our contests, as Green Finger Skinner did very quickly, winning the first $25 prize for his five posts. As it has been argued to me by a few members, getting over 900 brain points quickly might be asking a bit much, so of the $75 left, we’re changing the rules to make the rest of the contest more realistic. The new rules make it as easy (and fun) as it was for Skinner to win his $25. Whoever posts the next 7 posts from here on will win the next $25, whoever votes the most from last week on wins $25, and the next 2 people to send me a print screen proving they gained 150 brain points (by voting and posting, won’t take much to get that few brain points) wins $25 apiece.

We simply couldn’t make it easier for you to win a $25 prize. Check your account, too, as Cora recently found out, she’s being published in Literal Translations 22 and she won some money she could use. You might find a surprise yourself. That issue should be completed this week, as I am finishing editing and working on illustrations now, but you already might have money in your account, or you could post a piece to get you in the next one.

Race car driver and TV spokes-model Barb Terry’s book, Getting Greasy Made Easy, is nearing the finish line too. Covers are being wrapped up now, so we’ll have more news on that and other goings on next week, if I survive this one! Instead oh committing Hari-Kari, I might try and take out all seven of those stupid annoying dwarves. I hate small cheery critters.

Anyway, Aloha,

Don

And hope all is well, not only for our Armenian friends, but for all in Litmock land as well. Sadly, I just completed an article on the similarities between the Great Depression and what we are suffering through now. There are far too many. The world is in turmoil, we’ve been sunk for years, and then there’s all this debt garbage placing us squarely $14 trillion in the hole. And yay, 3 years after the ‘08-‘09 stock market crash, we’re at it again. Eerily similar to 1929-1932. A nice big fat 500 point drop today. The deep end of the pool is opening up and it’s time for adult swim once again, it appears. Both the Great Depression and this not so great depression were started by bursting credit bubbles, commercial credit and real estate credit, respectively. Property values crashed, inflation, welfare. It all looks the same.

Yikes.

So, in light of that, I hope your summer is going well. I so love spreading joy.

Here’s a way to avoid a cash crisis, make some easy money right here by voting, writing and reading. How hard is that? Our current contest is a cinch for any who want to participate, and a hustler can make an easy $100. The rules are simple: Whoever posts the most new pieces (at least 5 ‘real’ posts) from last week on wins $25, whoever votes the most from last week on wins $25, and the first person to 900 brain points starting with no more than 500 brain points (just print screen the page and send it to me, a copy of the starting total and the final tally) wins $50.

A whopping $50 for posting and voting. Your writing doesn’t even have to win. You have to be interactive, that’s all.

You can do it. You’re not one of those entitled people living off the guvment teat are you? No. You’re here. You want to make things better. So get at it.

On my home front, the garden is torched. Fricking heat and humidity. I have cucumber-ma-bobs searing on what’s left of a brown vine. I risked my life digging that thing only to watch the leaves shrivel quicker than an Obama promise once he took office. Guantanamo should be closing any day now, right? I’m sure.

On our front, we’re still working hard at it. The site is cleaner, running better, easier to understand and use. No One’s Pet, the Sheila Kennedy memoir is progressing. My own book, Down For The Count, has been accepted by The Albert T. Long & Associates Agency. Agents are Satan but what can you do? I’ve tried everything else. I want my stuff read before I die and my expiration date is looking all too close. Many have given up on me but I have not, so that’s what matters. Many have not given up on me as well, and that matters too. I also have some good personal news that happened thanks to Litmocracy, but I’m not quite ready to reveal it yet, though it is great news. Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you, seeing more posts, and doling out prizes. Until next week,

Sayonara,
Don

Hope all is going well for all of you out there in Litmock land! Don’t know about you, but it’s fricking hot here. The good news is that I don’t have to use the stove to cook. The bad news is, I’m the main course. My blood is boiling, and not because of what the dinkheads in D.C. are doing for once. It’s too hot to think about those yahoos and how they’re eroding what’s left of the nation’s credit (MUAHAHAHA). Heard the President took out a third mortgage on Camp David to pay down his credit cards since government employees won’t be getting paid soon and he needs the bills paid down for a few months. Fannie Mae didn’t want to approve the loan, as they have no money, but Obama has started an ‘every American must have a vacation home’ campaign so they were pressured to give it. Besides, Bernanke can just print more cash, right?

Anywho, back to the heat. It’s like 105 degrees Fahrenheit here. The Celsius thermometer just quit at about 40 degrees so I don’t know how hot it is in Celcius anymore. It said ‘no mas, I go no higher,’ like an ostrich burying its head in the scorching desert sand to hide and cool off, waiting for the lion to feast upon its ignorance.

So I hope that you all are having a great summer at least, if your skin hasn’t melted and your blood hasn’t turned into lighter fluid. We’ve stayed in the cool indoor air here, collecting some excellent posts. More posts than I’ve seen in a long time. I like it. So the scavenger hunt didn’t get enough contestants to really make it fly, but the $100 in contest money is still there. Here’s the new contest. Starting today until August 10th, let’s see if this will get even more people active. Whoever posts the most new pieces (at least 5 ‘real’ posts) wins $25, whoever votes the most wins $25, and the first person to 900 brain points starting with no more than 500 brain points (just print screen the page and send it to me, starting total and the over 900 brain points final) wins $50.

In the mean time, the new issue of Literal Translations is about ready to print. Here are our winners:

Welfare vs Charity - Dave Scotese
The Vitter Amendment - Dave Scotese
The Stories of Devil-Girl - Prometheus
The Second Middle Ages - Sam Vaknin
The Blob—A Memoir - tobiash
Ten Addictions in Three Lines - StarLizard
Robot ZOO - tobiash
Public Intellectuals: The Rise of the Librarians and the Decline of the Author - Sam Vaknin
Notes from the Writers’ Block - julianyway
My Sleepless Slumber - StarLizard
Lucky Pierrot’s Whale Burgers - Prometheus
IRS Form CO69 - Dave Scotese
Interview with Actress and Singer Linda Purl - Prometheus
Historic Landmark Repossessed - Green Fingered Skinner
Grubby Glitter - Cora Broomfield
Give me strength - StarLizard
Feet - tobiash
Dinner With The Dionaea Muscipula - deminizer
Dear God… erm, uhm, I mean Mr. President…. Please help me, I have Americanism… - deminizer
6 Politically incorrect song lyrics - tobiash

Check your accounts to see how much you won! Also, the first 4 winners to email me get an illustration about their story in the next issue. Email me at deminizer13@yahoo.com. For the rest of you, keep writing, posting and voting, and I’m sure you can win too. Until next time.

Sayonara,
Don