Did you like the protagonist?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

The protagonist was Ok.  I don’t tend to like characters more just because they’re suffering, but I think a lot of people do.  Especially if the suffering is something over which they had no control.

Anyway, that’s not why I’m posting.  I wanted to say this reminded me of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance because the trip is an allegory to the story itself.  The long train ride and all the scenery is a kind of distraction the author as well as the main character use to exercise the half-hearted attempt to avoid the pain of the loss that inspired the trip.  My first impulse was to mention that the description of scenery and all that was a little too long, but when we finally get to the end of the journey, the length seems to be justified.

What I’d want more of (though I can’t say this story is lacking at all!) would be images like the buildings with a few lights on here and there but mostly just gaping eyes staring blankly back.  I guess also that it would be interesting if the nature of the main character’s circumstances were similar to the nature of the countryside through which he’s traveling.  Perhaps it already is - devastated by a loss of motivation and joy - but the text doesn’t foreshadow or allude to the parallels as much as Pirsig did in his Zen book.  I enjoyed it anyway!

Hey, thanks for the response. I guess I was really trying to convey a sense of numbness. Just BEING. While not caring? I appreciate your having read it and taking the time to post something, nice to know SOMEONE read it! Luck, JPoole.

jpoole,

Rest assured that MANY ‘‘someones’’ read your piece (me included)

I do not post comments and suggestions as often as I should, but I have voted on every submission and read them all attentively. I will have to go back and re-read Impulse before sitting down to write my comments, to do it the justice it deserves, as I have read a lot of stuff since this piece and want it fresh in my mind before commenting, but I will come back and leave my comments on this thread.

What your post has inspired me to write about for now is how I wish there were more comments from members, writers and readers on submitted pieces. For anyone who writes or reads on this site, this may be helpful.

First, I think that most any writer who is interested in either improving their style, getting some feedback and constructive criticism on their work or simply knowing what the audience at large thinks of their submissions are often eagerly hoping for some kind of comment. I know I am always extremely pleased when someone - anyone - takes the time to give me their honest opinion on something I wrote, either positive or constructive. I feel that many of us here can contribute some wonderful feedback, but do not do so for various reasons. So let me tell everyone here exactly how I feel about the following reasons why you may decide not to offer feedback:

I’m new here and I’m forum shy / I don’t know anyone / I don’t want to interfere: I welcome feedback from most anyone who takes the time to read my stuff. I am always pleased to meet new members and discuss writing and many other subjects, too. Whether you just joined the site or have been here for a while but have never really gotten to ‘‘know’’ anyone or joined in forum discussions really doesn’t matter to me - I value your opinion nonetheless, so please, feel free to jump in at anytime.

I’m not a professional writer / I’m not qualified to offer comments / my stuff is nowhere near as good as this stuff so I’m afraid to look stupid with my comments or suggestions: While I always appreciate ‘‘technical’’ feedback from someone who writes a lot and / or is really good at it, I am just as interested in feedback coming from the general pool of readers out there. You don’t have to be a professional writer or a constant reader to offer a valid or helpful review or opinion on my work. After all, I don’t write with professional writers in mind, I write what comes to me naturally hoping it will appeal to a wide variety of audiences, of which everyone is a part. Being able to write and being able to offer an opinion on writing are two very different things, and I value both equally. I may not agree with your feedback, but I will always appreciate it.

I’m afraid to hurt someone with my comments / receive an angry or snobbish reply: Honesty is the best (and for me only) policy, although there is a way to be honest without being hurtful, insulting or making people feel like idiots. I’ve been a member of this site for a long time and I have yet to receive or read a comment or feedback that was written in a truly mean or insensitive way. I have seen on occasions people react negatively to comments, and to those people, all I have to say is ‘‘if you don’t want feedback, then don’t post your piece in the forums’‘. You have the option of posting only to the workshop or adding a link to the forum for feedback. If you do so and receive some feedback, be grateful, as not many of us do. If you post some respectful and helpful feedback and receive a reply that you are not comfortable with, then that member does not, in my opinion, deserve your time and attention.

I do have an opinion on this piece but I’m not sure how to express it / I don’t know exactly what it is I like or don’t like: I find myself in that position from time to time. It helps a lot to talk about it with someone else (be it a friend or family member who has read the piece, or another member on this site) but sometimes, it just comes down to writing exactly that. I like XYZ but ABC bothers me for some reason. The author him / herself or another member often comes along to say ‘‘hey, that bugged me too, and here’s why’‘. Sometimes, the words you can’t find come naturally to someone else, or are found through discussion with other members.

I don’t really have an opinion about this piece: Sometimes, that’s all there is to it. You don’t especially dislike it, you don’t especially like it, and there just isn’t anything you can think of that will be of use to the author. That’s ok too. Not every piece inspires comments or feedback. If you still want to comment, sometimes just a little encouragement can go a long way (Thanks for writing this, I read it and I look forward to reading more from you).

I don’t have time / I don’t feel like it: That’s the one I’m guilty of most of the time. I have an opinion, but I also have a family and other commitments. Sometimes it’s late and I just don’t feel like it. That’s one I really can’t help you with, other than asking you to think about how good it feels to have someone comment on your stuff, and maybe that’ll give you the motivation to comment on others’ submissions. I have a feeling that the more you comment on other people’s stuff, the more comments you’ll get yourself. And even if you don’t, you’ll be doing a lot of people a huge favor. Write yourself a note to go back and comment on pieces that really moved you, or on which you really have a strong opinion. It might help.

Anyway, that’s my opinion. I hope it helps to know how I feel about comments and feedback, as I am sure that many other members of this site feel the same way. Remember that helping others also helps you along the way, as it makes you look closely at writing and allows you to discover stuff for yourself along the way.

- Star