I’m leaving this open for discussion.  What do you think?

(Click the post title to read the submission.)

Hi Green Fingered Snake.

Here’s what I thought:

I’m not sure what to make of the piece because as enjoyable as it was (and it is very enjoyable), it travelled all over the place.  It felt like three descrete pieces - the first an essay on why one becomes a cab driver, the second the mother-with-children-and-bags story, and the third… you know where I am going with this.

All three sections are spell binding, and written well.  But what is the theme that binds the three together?  Would you consider defining that for yourself and applying some of your word-smithing magic to the piece to make it mesh, or to split these into three separate pieces.

By the way, you made me miss New York City.  Not an esy task - I have been outta there for decades. 

But I think now I’ll go and google-earth my old stomping grounds.

Thanks,
Yvette

Dear Yvette.

Thank you for taking the time to read this piece and for taking the time to post your observations and comments. My question to you is, “What took you so long?” I expected you would respond. Only sooner than later.

The thrust of the story is about being a gabby cabby, a mover of people -for cash. Having actually been a cabby, it is my contention people do strange things in the backseat of a cab. While not all of this piece is autobiographical, I have indeed toured America as stated, and I have actually been stationed near the 440 Club adjacent to “The Wheel” on Naha, Okinawa, Japan.

While I understand your perception of a segmentation in two parts that could mesh better, (the point is well taken), I do not see the story even starting without an intro from the driver. That is precisely the point. Imagine yourself as a passenger in Marty’s cab. Imagine Marty getting busy angling for a tip! The tool of enrichment is the conversation, while the story, (real or not), is the hook.

Please note: My name is Art. I use Green Fingered Skinner just for fun. Never would I ever call myself Green Fingered Snake.

Thanks again,

Art

Dear Art,

I know that the tale ws about a gabby cabby, and you can make that point really stand out, with just a bit of tweaking.  I’m certain of it.

What took me so long?  I had an issue with my litmocracy account - I was not able to vote or shop around for stories to tell.

Dave - Master-of-This-Universe - handled it.

Bet,
Yvette
P.S. I thought you might have written from some level of experience.  This had a ring of authenticity to it; it sounded so real.

Best,
Yvette

Every writer knows self editing is tricky work. 

I am sure this piece needed better connectivity between the two episodes.

After digesting your comments, I edited the piece by adding three or four replacement paragraphs.  I left the original paragraphs in place so anyone so interested can view my solution in the self edit. 

Art