The idea in this piece is a good one and it develops well.  I think the beginning can be improved so that it hooks the reader a bit more - perhaps more episodic and less explanatory.  Also, the title is misspelled.  You can edit your entries now, so I suggest messing with the intro a little so that it sucks the reader in - to that point where you explain that there’s no easy answer - you just have to figure it out for yourself.

I’m hoping that the development of a piece through edits and the resulting increase in ranking will catch on because that’s an essential part of the workshop.

Interesting and well explained. Are you recommending independence for all of us?